I remembered something about myself tonight. I' m a perfectionist.
Shocking, I know. But I've really struggled over the past few days with a synopsis for my editor. Tonight I wasn't feeling well, was trying to finish the synopsis and send it off, trying to bolster my sinking writer's self-confidence, and it hit me -- I don't have my blog post up for tomorrow. Maybe we could skip just one week? Oh, heaven forbid!!! My perfectionist tendencies kicked in. I certainly could not do that.
Looking back over the last week, I've felt the same way in another area: my diet. I haven't done it perfectly, so I've been very down on myself. Exercise is going well, but I haven't followed my diet to the letter. So of course nothing is working. Of course I feel fat. Of course I'm depressed.
Because I'm not perfect. Hello! We're not supposed to be.
Yes, I can try harder. But I also think this perfectionist thing hurts me. You see, if I can't do something perfectly, why do it? It's a lot easier to just give up. :) So this week I'm going to focus on 1 meal at a time, and stop beating myself up over every little mistake.
Challenge: Are you a perfectionist? Or are you more flexible? How do your personality traits hinder or help your weight loss goals?
Check in today and let us know how you're doing!
Dani (who promises to turn on the comments this week so Ella doesn't panic!!!)
I'm a busy woman! Somehow I managed to book myself in 2 places on 1 day. How'd that happen?
But I know you'll love these blogs (and I could use all the comment-love I can get)! So join me as I visit these fabulous blogs:
I'm sharing my First Call story with the Pink Heart Society Blog: www.pinkheartsociety.blogspot.com
And I'm an Author Spotlight on Anne Lange's blog: http://authorannelange.com/2013/04/24/author-spotlight-dani-wade/
I'm blogging with my Ruby Sisters today about when you should or shouldn't keep your writing and personal lives separate. Join us for the discussion! www.RubySlipperedSisterhood.com
Wow! March flew by me as briskly as the winds here in the South. Now its a blur of writing, revising, and more revising. I'm a little behind because of a special project I picked up (which I hope I can share more about next month), so I've had to postpone Finding Her Rhythm's release until April 30, 2013. I want the story to be perfect, so I'm not gonna rush it. I truly love working on Michael and Taylor's story, and hope you enjoy reading it!
I'm still waiting to hear from awesome editor on my submissions, but will hopefully have news there soon too! In the meantime, its more revisions for Michael and Taylor, then off to line edits and formatting. I'm always busy, even when playing the waiting game that happens so frequently in publishing.
I've got some fun field trips lined up, and hope you'll join me as I venture once more into the cyber-world. There's also something extra special coming to the blog this month! The start of my Nationals or Bust Health Challenge. My very talented sister (and copy editor) is a finalist in RWA's Golden Heart contest, and I'll be meeting my editor (hopefully) and lots of authors from my line, so we're both anxious to slim down a bit for Atlanta in July. I invite y'all to join us, whether you're attending RWA or not, as we encourage, inform, and hold each other accountable in our quest for better health and a teeny increase in self-confidence!!!
It looks like a busy summer ahead. Stick with me -- it's going to be fun!!!!
Today, I wish...
I could write faster and cleaner, so I could get my stories out of my head and to my readers sooner!
I had no need for sleep, so I could have more time to spend with my family, despite writing and a full-time job.
I could lose 20 lbs eating cake and Krispy Kreme donuts. (Until then, I wish they made a special suit that transformed my body into a svelte goddess, but didn't cut off my circulation.)
Every house came equipped with a maid and a cook.
Karma would make an appointment for coming back to bite people who do harm just because they can -- so that I could be there to see it happen.
At the same time, I wish those who help others without thought to themselves could be rewarded 5X what they deserve! And I could hand deliver the reward!
Children could remember the important stuff they need me to do more than 5 minutes in advance.
That I could remember the important stuff more than 5 minutes in advance, without having to write it down!
Today, what do you wish for?
Dani
I love hearing from my readers! For every comment in the month of March, you are entered into a drawing for a $5 Amazon gift card. Simply comment with your email address. I'll draw for the winner on March 31st!
It’s eventually the lament of all mothers – my baby is growing up.
Mothers feel it at every stage – first tooth, first steps, first day of school, braces and so on. So many milestones in our children’s lives that prompt us to immerse ourselves in memories even while we celebrate every new stage.
This week, I’ll once more reminisce about my baby girl, and step with fear and trembling (and pride too) into the unknown territory of the teenage years. In the last year, she’s grown taller than me, started experimenting with make-up, and learned to tame her mass of curly hair. She’s managing middle school and even walked dogs for money over the summer. I can’t believe how grown she acts sometimes, but we still glimpse enough of the kid in her to smile at occasionally.
I, myself, am not ready for what I’m sure is coming, and I think that’s the source of my fear. Will I know how to assist and guide her through school troubles, boy troubles, and myriad new situations? Will she still talk to me? Will she listen, even a little bit?
Either way, I’ll wake her with a Happy Birthday and watch as she fixes her hair and puts on make-up, going off to school looking like the cool teenager she is now. Because time keeps moving forward, even when I long for the simpler days of her childhood.
If y’all have any advice for me, I’d love to hear it! Or tell me a favorite memory of time with your parents during your teenage years.
I, myself, am not ready for what I’m sure is coming, and I think that’s the source of my fear. Will I know how to assist and guide her through school troubles, boy troubles, and myriad new situations? Will she still talk to me? Will she listen, even a little bit?
Either way, I’ll wake her with a Happy Birthday and watch as she fixes her hair and puts on make-up, going off to school looking like the cool teenager she is now. Because time keeps moving forward, even when I long for the simpler days of her childhood.
If y’all have any advice for me, I’d love to hear it! Or tell me a favorite memory of time with your parents during your teenage years.
News, news, glorious news. I try to share on the home page each month, but sometimes the news just can’t be contained!
For those who missed it, my debut Harlequin Desire release has an official title! HIS BY DESIGN will be available in bookstores and online in August of 2013. My sensational editor assures me the cover will be fabulous. I can’t wait to see it (and I promise to share as soon as I'm allowed)!
Blurb:
Repressed, conventional Ziara Devan strives for respectability through her job at a wedding gown design firm in Atlanta,GA, hoping to erase the shame of her childhood secrets. Then she finds herself cast in the role of spy, forced to keep an eye on the business-savvy, sexy heir apparent, Sloan Creighton. When exposure of her past life threatens everything she’s achieved, can Ziara trust Sloan to stand by her “til death do us part”?
Speaking of covers, I have a brand new one to show you! That’s right, I’ve just finished the draft on a new Indie release, FINDING HER RHYTHM, and plan to have it ready for release in late March. My awesome cover artist, Elizabeth Wallace, has outdone herself with this one. I love it!
Blurb:
Struggling after the death of her parents, Taylor let her hormones lead her into the biggest mistake of her life. Now she has a dangerous ex who wants to own her and a desperate need for safety. What could be safer than her new job as a nanny to a legendary rock star? Except now she's locked herself in with a man who is potentially more dangerous...to her heart.
Michael Korvello has a dominant nature and a lonely heart that he keeps firmly under wraps. His kids have suffered enough for the mistakes of his past. But his new nanny has those dark desires howling at the gate. The only thing keeping him in check is the fear lurking in those brilliant eyes. Can he earn her trust, and the right to transform all her desires into reality?
Just when neither can deny their need for each other, Taylor's ex shows up like an unlucky charm, intent on taking back what he considers his...even if he has to destroy Michael's world to get it. Can two kindred souls protect the passionate love they ache for from an outsider bent on ripping them apart?
Last, but not least, I'll be attending my very first Readers' Luncheon as an author! Join me for the Heart of Dixie Romance Readers' Luncheon on June 8, 2013, in Huntsville, AL. You can find out more details about this fabulous annual event at www.heartofdixie.org .
Blurb:
Struggling after the death of her parents, Taylor let her hormones lead her into the biggest mistake of her life. Now she has a dangerous ex who wants to own her and a desperate need for safety. What could be safer than her new job as a nanny to a legendary rock star? Except now she's locked herself in with a man who is potentially more dangerous...to her heart.
Michael Korvello has a dominant nature and a lonely heart that he keeps firmly under wraps. His kids have suffered enough for the mistakes of his past. But his new nanny has those dark desires howling at the gate. The only thing keeping him in check is the fear lurking in those brilliant eyes. Can he earn her trust, and the right to transform all her desires into reality?
Just when neither can deny their need for each other, Taylor's ex shows up like an unlucky charm, intent on taking back what he considers his...even if he has to destroy Michael's world to get it. Can two kindred souls protect the passionate love they ache for from an outsider bent on ripping them apart?
Last, but not least, I'll be attending my very first Readers' Luncheon as an author! Join me for the Heart of Dixie Romance Readers' Luncheon on June 8, 2013, in Huntsville, AL. You can find out more details about this fabulous annual event at www.heartofdixie.org .
I've been through the whole gamut of parenting emotions as a writer. I've felt guilt over taking time away from my children, selfish for yearning for time to myself to "play" with my characters, and condemned by others for, in their estimation, putting my "hobby" above my family. But then again, I've also had the sincerity of being able to truthfully say to my children, "If you really want something, you'll work hard for it. Even when it seems impossible." I've had the joy of introducing my creative daughter to NaNo WriMo and discussing characters and plot with her. I've encouraged her to express her appreciation to authors whose books she's read, and shared the excitement of her first Readers' Luncheon. I've encourage my children to read outside of schoolwork and find it amazing that they don't whine when they get books for Christmas and birthday gifts. Most recently, my son has started creating his own comic books based on a video game he enjoys, with actual story lines. I can marvel over the story AND the artwork.
[caption id="attachment_343" align="aligncenter" width="150"]
"I sprinted over to my hidey-hole!"[/caption]
Being a writing mom, or any mom who has a passion and dream for something in addition to family, is a 2 sided coin. Sometimes it’s hard, and it hurts, but there are joys there to enrich and encourage your creative life. Ideally, that's how this would work. The encouragement from family would feed into that creativity, helping it flourish and expand. Sadly, that's not true in many writers’ lives, those who have family who either ignore or openly disdain their efforts. And even in the best family situation, trying times can drain a mother of the energy she needs for her work. But I’ve realized a few things that help me along:
1. The balance of family and writing will sometimes be unequal. I've faced the fact that I won't get nearly as much done during the summer, when we juggle babysitters and the kids are with me 99% of the time I'm not at the day job. And that's okay. I just have to find a way to work around it.
When I’m on deadline, I need more time and quiet to create faster. That means less time-intensive meals, more TV watching, and the house stays a little dirtier. But since it isn’t that often, we’ve still got some balance overall.
[caption id="attachment_344" align="aligncenter" width="150"]
"I made a workbench out of planks and used it."[/caption]
2. I need space, and that’s the way it is. This need doesn't take away from my family, but enhances it. When I am happy and creative, I'm a happy mother and wife. Doing what I need to take care of myself and refill my internal well is not selfish. An occasional hour alone, savoring the silence. The chance to read, losing myself in another author's story. Setting boundaries around writing time and expecting my children to respect them. All these things teach them respect, that dreams require hard work, and that mommies are people too.
3. That said, there are times when family will have to come first. Kids get sick, crisis happen, and life doesn't stop just because I've got a deadline. This was never more true than when I was pregnant. Mentally, I simply couldn't write, and I had to let go of the guilt from that. My family and my body was changing and that had to take priority. Sometimes it requires me to drink a 5 hour energy shot so I can write after the kids go to bed, but you gotta do what you gotta do.
4. I have a planner/plotter nature, but I also try to remember that the best laid plans won’t work every time. I try to look honestly at what I'm capable of, what my day job demands, what kind of events are going on in kiddie land, and whether or not my husband is going to be available to help. Then I write it all down (it’s the only way I can remember anything). That's the fun part for me, but then I have to walk it every day and sometimes change it as needed. Not so fun for me, but I try. :)
The balance between me, my needs, and how I operate isn’t always ideal for my life, but I try to realize that and work around it. What needs and personality traits do you have that help you in your daily life? Which are a hindrance?
"I sprinted over to my hidey-hole!"[/caption]
Being a writing mom, or any mom who has a passion and dream for something in addition to family, is a 2 sided coin. Sometimes it’s hard, and it hurts, but there are joys there to enrich and encourage your creative life. Ideally, that's how this would work. The encouragement from family would feed into that creativity, helping it flourish and expand. Sadly, that's not true in many writers’ lives, those who have family who either ignore or openly disdain their efforts. And even in the best family situation, trying times can drain a mother of the energy she needs for her work. But I’ve realized a few things that help me along:
1. The balance of family and writing will sometimes be unequal. I've faced the fact that I won't get nearly as much done during the summer, when we juggle babysitters and the kids are with me 99% of the time I'm not at the day job. And that's okay. I just have to find a way to work around it.
When I’m on deadline, I need more time and quiet to create faster. That means less time-intensive meals, more TV watching, and the house stays a little dirtier. But since it isn’t that often, we’ve still got some balance overall.
[caption id="attachment_344" align="aligncenter" width="150"]
"I made a workbench out of planks and used it."[/caption]
2. I need space, and that’s the way it is. This need doesn't take away from my family, but enhances it. When I am happy and creative, I'm a happy mother and wife. Doing what I need to take care of myself and refill my internal well is not selfish. An occasional hour alone, savoring the silence. The chance to read, losing myself in another author's story. Setting boundaries around writing time and expecting my children to respect them. All these things teach them respect, that dreams require hard work, and that mommies are people too.
3. That said, there are times when family will have to come first. Kids get sick, crisis happen, and life doesn't stop just because I've got a deadline. This was never more true than when I was pregnant. Mentally, I simply couldn't write, and I had to let go of the guilt from that. My family and my body was changing and that had to take priority. Sometimes it requires me to drink a 5 hour energy shot so I can write after the kids go to bed, but you gotta do what you gotta do.
4. I have a planner/plotter nature, but I also try to remember that the best laid plans won’t work every time. I try to look honestly at what I'm capable of, what my day job demands, what kind of events are going on in kiddie land, and whether or not my husband is going to be available to help. Then I write it all down (it’s the only way I can remember anything). That's the fun part for me, but then I have to walk it every day and sometimes change it as needed. Not so fun for me, but I try. :)
The balance between me, my needs, and how I operate isn’t always ideal for my life, but I try to realize that and work around it. What needs and personality traits do you have that help you in your daily life? Which are a hindrance?
As a writer, I love my job. As a woman who can be a little high-strung, who juggles a full-time job and family, I worry about being able to give my best to my writing and not letting it be the thing that drives me over the edge. I found a cool post on Twitter by YA author Fiona Paul, where she gives tips on not letting your writing drive you crazy in 2013. Funny and informative! If you feel your moods swinging and reactions to little things a little on the grumpy side, you'll find this blog post as helpful as I did.
http://fionapaulbooks.blogspot.com/2012/12/how-not-to-let-your-writing-make-you.html
The past few weeks have been crazy! On top of my first book release, I've started a new day job that requires longer hours and no internet access (I'm definitely feeling the deprivation). As a wife, mother, and woman with a bazillion things that need to be done, I can relate with the need to juggle and make things work. We all have to do it. And when change comes into our lives, so do new coping strategies.
At least, I'm hoping they do! I've been trying out several different things, working to make everything run smoothly and also leave time for me to write and sleep and have some kind of a life. As we all know, there's never any definitive answers, and as soon as our families settle into a pattern something new usually comes along. But for now, here's a few goals that I'm aiming for every day:
1. Keep meals simple, utilize the crockpot often, and save the meal for the weekend if its going to take to long to prepare. Oh, and we're eating plenty of leftovers. I'm hoping if we have frozen foods once or twice a week, there won't be any lasting damage!
2. Use my lunch break to get in some writing or plotting, so that I've already started the process before I finally get to write at home. This usually nets me at least 500 words, and really rejuvenates me during the day. It also helps me feel like I'm accomplishing something on those nights when we have too many things going on and I have to hit the bed without writing.
3. Don't multitask. At least in terms of creativity and family. Now household chores, sure, it works great. But my creativity needs one-on-one time, and so does my family, even if its short bursts. That's a whole new way of thinking about things for me, and will take a little adjustment. Okay, a lot. :) I'm slow, but I eventually get there.
4. Take time for me. Just because life is busy, I work 2 jobs, and always seem to be behind on something, doesn't mean I don't deserve some free time now and again. In fact, I work better if I give myself a break. That's a hard 1 to remember, but it really is true! This might mean a nice, hot bath, or a couple of days to read a book.
As you know, I'm always open to suggestions! I'm still struggling to fit in exercise, keep up with the kids' school stuff, and keep the house clean (though I'm proud to say that we still wouldn't be shut down if the health inspector came, even if I haven't dusted in almost a month). Tell me, how do you do it all? What do you let slide? Where do you spend your time wisely?
Dani