In this day and age, there’s a lot of talk about ‘going after your dreams’ and ‘achieving your dreams’. I highly recommend it. After all, I spent 10 years trying to sell my first novel-length story. I fought hard for my dream, and pushed through the barriers of fear, pride, and uncertainty in order to achieve it.
But there are a few things “they” don’t tell you about achieving your dreams:
1. The work doesn’t stop. Either another goal appears, or you have to continue working just to maintain your dreams. Mostly likely, its both. Dreams don’t lead to easy street.
2. Not everyone will support you. Some will see you as selfish for focusing on something you want. Some will want a piece of your pie without working for it. Some will want to tear you down because of jealousy or just plain meanness. And some people will simply be indifferent, because it isn’t their dream.
3. Some people will more than support you. They’ll actually put their belief in you into action, going out of their way to help you live your dreams. This selflessness on the part of others is an extremely humbling experience, which means...
4. Support from others doesn’t always feel good. Knowing that someone is giving of their time and energy to help you can lead to guilt, guilt, and more guilt, even though you are more than grateful. Especially for women.
5. Your other responsibilities don’t end. Most authors don’t sit around eating bonbons all day. The day I sold my first novel, I still had to finish out the day at my day job, pick the kids up from school, and cook dinner.
6. Achieving a momentous moment that’s part of your dream is as incredible as they say it is!
7. That incredible high doesn’t last forever. Because dreams aren’t really this finite thing we achieve, they are more like a journey. There are high ridges, and low valleys. Be prepared for both.
8. Did I mention the work doesn’t end?
9. Everything in life doesn’t fall into place, just because you’ve reached this tremendous milestone. Its not like winning the lottery. Most likely, you can’t just quit your day job and land in the lap of luxury.
10. “Living the dream” may not match your expectations, but trust me, you’ll still want it just as much as you did the day you started.
Living the Dream is not for sissies. :)
Dani
Takeaway: What's the most important dream you've worked to achieve in your life?
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Our family experienced 3 very special occasions recently: the birth of a new cousin, assisting in another cousin’s preparations for her first military ball, and Book Worm’s birthday (which puts her solidly into teenage territory). All were emotional moments for me.
Its been a while since we had a baby in the family – 4 years, in fact. So meeting this new little one reminded me of so many things from when my kids were born. On the other hand, seeing the maturity in my niece and daughter reminded me how short of a time I have left with my oldest child.
Both of these situations led to a lot of reminiscing with my kids and husband. Hearing their questions and surprise brought home that, even though I’m a storyteller, I don’t often share the stories closest to my hear – our stories. Whereas my Mama tells family stories over and over until we know them by heart, I don’t relate so many parts of our family history that have made our family and us as individuals who we are.
We rarely have that metaphorical “sit around the campfire swapping stories” time, though when we do, my kids love it. Which means we should do it more often.
Shame on me! Looks like I have some new storytelling muscles to develop! And way more chewing the fat moments to savor in our busy lives.
Takeaway: Whether you’re a writer of not, we all of us have stories that make us who we are. What’s your favorite family story?
Dani
We rarely have that metaphorical “sit around the campfire swapping stories” time, though when we do, my kids love it. Which means we should do it more often.
Shame on me! Looks like I have some new storytelling muscles to develop! And way more chewing the fat moments to savor in our busy lives.
Takeaway: Whether you’re a writer of not, we all of us have stories that make us who we are. What’s your favorite family story?
Dani
Today is a sad one for our family. Our cat, Blaze, that we've had for the last sixteen years, had to be put to sleep today. This is an animal my kids have known all their lives. Hubby and I have taken care of for 16 years of our marriage. He's associated with so many memories for us, and today we had to let him go home to be with his Mama and brothers. It will be the first time I can remember that there isn't a cat in my life.
He's put up with crying babies, being carried by kids, the addition of dogs to our household (he never did forgive us for that), moving, and all manner of hoopla in the house (see above kids). But he survived it all with a personality that had me dubbing him Grumpy Grampy in more recent years. Yet all it took was one stroke of the hand and he'd purr like a, well, kitten. Always. We still love him. I hate to see him go.
If you have an animal in your life, please give them an extra treat from me.
Dani
He's put up with crying babies, being carried by kids, the addition of dogs to our household (he never did forgive us for that), moving, and all manner of hoopla in the house (see above kids). But he survived it all with a personality that had me dubbing him Grumpy Grampy in more recent years. Yet all it took was one stroke of the hand and he'd purr like a, well, kitten. Always. We still love him. I hate to see him go.
If you have an animal in your life, please give them an extra treat from me.
Dani
I have a slight calendar obsession. Okay, maybe not so slight...I love them more than any other office supply, because I use them every day. Wall calendars, desk calendars, planners—I’d have multiples if I had the money.
Alas, I don’t have the pocketbook nor the wall space, so I must choose wisely. Here are a few criteria I use:
1. Colorful/Eye Catching
If I’m going to look at it all year, I want something pretty, cute, or smile-worthy.
2. Meaningful
On a related note, I (or my family) must care about the content. Yes, we have had Phineas and Ferb, frogs, Marvel Superheros, and Haunted Places calendars.
Last year my little bathroom calendar was chosen for its words (on top of pretty pictures). I’m obsessed with words (is that obvious?) and this one gave me a single one to contemplate with every glimpse.
So there’s just one of my quirky little obsessions explained. :) Tell us, are you a calendar girl?
Dani
Alas, I don’t have the pocketbook nor the wall space, so I must choose wisely. Here are a few criteria I use:
1. Colorful/Eye Catching
If I’m going to look at it all year, I want something pretty, cute, or smile-worthy.
2. Meaningful
On a related note, I (or my family) must care about the content. Yes, we have had Phineas and Ferb, frogs, Marvel Superheros, and Haunted Places calendars.
Last year my little bathroom calendar was chosen for its words (on top of pretty pictures). I’m obsessed with words (is that obvious?) and this one gave me a single one to contemplate with every glimpse.
So there’s just one of my quirky little obsessions explained. :) Tell us, are you a calendar girl?
Dani
Only a week and a half until Christmas! I'm not panicking, because my shopping is done and most things have been wrapped. We have a tree and stockings inside, a few Christmas lights outside. I didn't go all out this year, but we have enough up to make the house look festive and the kids seem satisfied. '
Writing, not going as well. All the holiday parties and preparations have cut into my very limited writing time. This week I have vowed to leave the housework to the rest of the family, ignore any requests to prepare food, and limit my focus to my computer. Edits on my next Harlequin are due to Amazing Editor very soon, so this is top priority.
But in the midst of the chaos, I'm grateful for family around me, a few spare minutes alone with my husband, the wonder I still feel viewing Christmas lights, and anticipation at the joy on my children's faces Christmas morning. That's what's underneath all the busyness, right?
I hope you are finding a small bit of wonder in your Christmas preparations too! Happy Holidays!
Dani
Writing, not going as well. All the holiday parties and preparations have cut into my very limited writing time. This week I have vowed to leave the housework to the rest of the family, ignore any requests to prepare food, and limit my focus to my computer. Edits on my next Harlequin are due to Amazing Editor very soon, so this is top priority.
But in the midst of the chaos, I'm grateful for family around me, a few spare minutes alone with my husband, the wonder I still feel viewing Christmas lights, and anticipation at the joy on my children's faces Christmas morning. That's what's underneath all the busyness, right?
I hope you are finding a small bit of wonder in your Christmas preparations too! Happy Holidays!
Dani
During this week of Thanksgiving, I want to talk about something I usually spend a lot of time complaining about—without the complaints. Yes, I hate having to leave the house every morning at 7:10am. I hate having to dress up while my sister authors are working in their pj's all day. And I hate having to give up 8 hours a day (plus an hour commute round trip) to do something that doesn't inspire passion in my soul.
But there are good things about my day job too! I'm going to share a few of them with you.
1. I make guaranteed money.
That should be a given for every job, but some salaries suck more than others. I make a decent wage and bring home a decent paycheck every other week. Not as big as I'd like, what who's is? Getting paid for writing is great, but not very consistent. My job gives myself and my family stability.
2. It's a low stress environment.
I've worked in some high-tension places before. The job I have now has very little tension in my department. That makes for less stress and an easier start to every day. Plus stress sucks the energy out of me, leaving very little for my writing. So low stress=happier writer.
3. I can write there...sorta.
I can't actually do a full-on write there, but I have plenty of busywork that let's my mind wander, and I can make notes while I'm there. So even though I'm not actually writing, I'm thinking about it, processing it, so that when I can write, I actually accomplish something.
Combining writing with a full-time day job and family is hard work. There are days when I don't want to get up, don't want to get ready and leave the house. But in times when jobs can be scarce, I'm more grateful for mine than I sound sometimes.
What are you thankful for this week?
Dani
Winner! The winner for my Home for the Holidays blog is Missie Jones! Missie, look for an email from me in your box! Thanks, everyone for the comments
1. I make guaranteed money.
That should be a given for every job, but some salaries suck more than others. I make a decent wage and bring home a decent paycheck every other week. Not as big as I'd like, what who's is? Getting paid for writing is great, but not very consistent. My job gives myself and my family stability.
2. It's a low stress environment.
I've worked in some high-tension places before. The job I have now has very little tension in my department. That makes for less stress and an easier start to every day. Plus stress sucks the energy out of me, leaving very little for my writing. So low stress=happier writer.
3. I can write there...sorta.
I can't actually do a full-on write there, but I have plenty of busywork that let's my mind wander, and I can make notes while I'm there. So even though I'm not actually writing, I'm thinking about it, processing it, so that when I can write, I actually accomplish something.
Combining writing with a full-time day job and family is hard work. There are days when I don't want to get up, don't want to get ready and leave the house. But in times when jobs can be scarce, I'm more grateful for mine than I sound sometimes.
What are you thankful for this week?
Dani
Winner! The winner for my Home for the Holidays blog is Missie Jones! Missie, look for an email from me in your box! Thanks, everyone for the comments
Chaos.
One look at my bio is enough to convince anyone that this is an appropriate description of my life, at the moment. The things that get my attention are the things that need to be taken care of right now. I try not to let things creep up on me, but it happens more often than I'd like.
This fall/winter I'm struggling to stick to a compressed writing schedule, in hopes of releasing several books early next year. This only adds to the pressure I put on myself. Why? Not because I enjoy it. I'm trying to get my family to a place where I don't have to work full-time. This issue is getting there.
So I'm forever on the search to make things work. My personality works best with some kind of schedule, but its really hard to schedule chaos. I recently tried getting up earlier, thinking more time was the key, but it was no go. I don't cope well with the rest of the day as well with less sleep. So what's a crazy woman with a crazy life to do?
I'm trying to do this:
1. Acceptance
This is just the way life is for now. I don't like it. In fact, it makes me very unhappy at times, but changes aren't coming anytime soon. I need to deal with my attitude and move on. I have a quote posted on my bathroom mirror that says, "I discovered I always have choices, and sometimes it's only a choice of attitude." (Judith M Knowlton) So very, very true.
2. Just Keep Swimming
I have this as my screen saver at my day job. Everything I plan may not get done, but as long as I keep moving forward, progress will be made. Sometimes the snail's pace is very frustrating, but I keep trying. That's important.
3. Touchstones
This is my newest form of "schedule," still in the testing stages. :) My life and activities change daily. I rely heavily on my To Do List and a day planner, but a true, rigid schedule will only get disrupted by last minute homework, illness, or an unexpected errand that puts me behind.
Since I can't find a way to create more time, I have to use what I have more effectively. When I get to work, one of the first things I do is get out my Day Planner. I glance over it for important events and the list of what needs doing today. I prioritize and mentally map out a plan. I'm now calling this my "Touchstone", because I'm touching base with myself and what's going on in my life.
I've started doing the same when I first get home in the afternoon. I greet everyone, put my stuff away, then sit down and see what's left on the agenda for that evening. This way I'm hopefully approaching tasks in a logical manner instead of plunging into them haphazardly.
4. Clock Out
I've had a goal for years to take one day off a week--it simply never happens. I find it disconcerting to think of myself as a workaholic, because I don't want to be one. I want to be able to write during the day and relax with my family at night, but there's too much that needs doing with a full-time day job, part-time writing career, kids, pets, house, etc (even with my hubby pitching in very heavily). So this goal needed to adapt.
Now I aim for one day off per month, but as a compromise I have to quit working period at 9:30 each night. This has been really hard and I've only been at it for a few weeks. I'm to have nothing but fun after 9:30pm: no writing websites, Facebook, Twitter, etc. No "relaxing" with a craft book. Just TV, cuddling with the kids (or hubby!), reading, etc. It shouldn't be too hard, but it really is. My brain is always saying, "But shouldn't you be..."
Nope. I shouldn't be...
So there's my Not So Perfect Plan to tame the chaos. Having a plan doesn't mean I always succeed, but if I don't try, I'll never find what works, right? Do you have any tips or tricks that I can add to the pile?
Dani
So I'm forever on the search to make things work. My personality works best with some kind of schedule, but its really hard to schedule chaos. I recently tried getting up earlier, thinking more time was the key, but it was no go. I don't cope well with the rest of the day as well with less sleep. So what's a crazy woman with a crazy life to do?
I'm trying to do this:
1. Acceptance
This is just the way life is for now. I don't like it. In fact, it makes me very unhappy at times, but changes aren't coming anytime soon. I need to deal with my attitude and move on. I have a quote posted on my bathroom mirror that says, "I discovered I always have choices, and sometimes it's only a choice of attitude." (Judith M Knowlton) So very, very true.
2. Just Keep Swimming
I have this as my screen saver at my day job. Everything I plan may not get done, but as long as I keep moving forward, progress will be made. Sometimes the snail's pace is very frustrating, but I keep trying. That's important.
3. Touchstones
This is my newest form of "schedule," still in the testing stages. :) My life and activities change daily. I rely heavily on my To Do List and a day planner, but a true, rigid schedule will only get disrupted by last minute homework, illness, or an unexpected errand that puts me behind.
Since I can't find a way to create more time, I have to use what I have more effectively. When I get to work, one of the first things I do is get out my Day Planner. I glance over it for important events and the list of what needs doing today. I prioritize and mentally map out a plan. I'm now calling this my "Touchstone", because I'm touching base with myself and what's going on in my life.
I've started doing the same when I first get home in the afternoon. I greet everyone, put my stuff away, then sit down and see what's left on the agenda for that evening. This way I'm hopefully approaching tasks in a logical manner instead of plunging into them haphazardly.
4. Clock Out
I've had a goal for years to take one day off a week--it simply never happens. I find it disconcerting to think of myself as a workaholic, because I don't want to be one. I want to be able to write during the day and relax with my family at night, but there's too much that needs doing with a full-time day job, part-time writing career, kids, pets, house, etc (even with my hubby pitching in very heavily). So this goal needed to adapt.
Now I aim for one day off per month, but as a compromise I have to quit working period at 9:30 each night. This has been really hard and I've only been at it for a few weeks. I'm to have nothing but fun after 9:30pm: no writing websites, Facebook, Twitter, etc. No "relaxing" with a craft book. Just TV, cuddling with the kids (or hubby!), reading, etc. It shouldn't be too hard, but it really is. My brain is always saying, "But shouldn't you be..."
Nope. I shouldn't be...
So there's my Not So Perfect Plan to tame the chaos. Having a plan doesn't mean I always succeed, but if I don't try, I'll never find what works, right? Do you have any tips or tricks that I can add to the pile?
Dani
The other day, as I sat in my cubicle at the day job, facing yet another report to be worked, one of the few co-workers who knows about my books popped her head around the corner.
"Have you seen it? Is it real yet?"
I had to smile. It was release week and she knew how excited I was about seeing my book on an actual shelf. We chatted for a few minutes before she disappeared back around the corner. I was left thinking about how encouraged that made me feel, and I realized, just about everywhere I go, God has put someone there to encourage me.
At the job before this, an older woman there encouraged me about balancing work and my family. We shared recipes and tips for juggling. In my family, my mom, sister, and mother-in-law have always been my champions. I have too many encouragers in the writing world to list here, but they include the Mavens and my incredible Playfriends. At my publishing house, its my editor. Whether I'm excited, sad, depressed, nervous, or giddy, always keeping the cheering section alive at home is the hubby.
I'm a very lucky woman to have so many Earthly Angels to encourage me on what has been a bumpy journey. So many women feel all alone, and I haven't felt that way in a very long time! Gratitude just overflows when I think about it!
So today let's celebrate those wonderful angels in our lives! Who are your angels and why?
Dani
"How can you give your family the attention they need while working full time and writing so much?"
When posed this question by another author at National Conference, I was halted in my tracks. Guilt is a problem for me. With 1 rude question, this author unknowingly hit me right in the gut. Though I'd love to be Wonder Woman (and hubby would totally dig that outfit!), I know I'm no super hero(ine). I do worry about short-changing my children or my writing, but I can't give up either. I've worked too hard for both.
I can't quit my day job, as much as I'd like to, because my family needs me to work for a steady income. At least for the time being. That's simply life at this moment. And as much as I'd like to complain about it, I won't. My hubby has gone above and beyond to take care of the kids and family responsibilities so I have more time to write. I won't fuss about the demands on my time when he has just as many on his.
So this is a dilemma I have struggled with since I went back to work full-time, particularly when I'm on a deadline or have to say "no" when my kids want something because there aren't enough minutes in the day.
So when I heard Kristan Higgins speak at RWA Nationals, it truly struck a chord. Both lunch speeches were awesome (other was Cathy Maxwell), but 1 particular statement by Kristen pierced my heart. It wasn't the focus of the speech in actuality, probably something she ad-libbed. But it was something I desperately needed at this stage of my career and life.
She talked about a time when her husband worked long hours. She was helping him study for firefighters testing and they had a small baby. In order to help their family out, she strapped the baby to her chest while she cleaned a few houses. "Women do what they need to," she said. "If you are doing what your family needs, be proud of that."
What? I'm a mom. I'm not proud...I'm guilty of not being Super Woman!
But she's right. I should be proud--
-of finding a fulltime job that pays decent without having recent experience.
-of working every day and still chasing my dreams.
-for teaching my children that dreams are worth sacrifice and hard work.
-for focusing on my children in the time I have with them.
-Making an effort to include fun activities or things they want to do when I can.
-expressing my gratitude for and to those who help me, including my husband, kids, mother, mother-in-law, sister, sister-in-law, and many others.
That, I think, is something to be proud of! All of you hardworking moms and dads out there, what are you proud of today? Give yourself a shout out! You deserve it!!!!
Dani
I can't quit my day job, as much as I'd like to, because my family needs me to work for a steady income. At least for the time being. That's simply life at this moment. And as much as I'd like to complain about it, I won't. My hubby has gone above and beyond to take care of the kids and family responsibilities so I have more time to write. I won't fuss about the demands on my time when he has just as many on his.
So this is a dilemma I have struggled with since I went back to work full-time, particularly when I'm on a deadline or have to say "no" when my kids want something because there aren't enough minutes in the day.
So when I heard Kristan Higgins speak at RWA Nationals, it truly struck a chord. Both lunch speeches were awesome (other was Cathy Maxwell), but 1 particular statement by Kristen pierced my heart. It wasn't the focus of the speech in actuality, probably something she ad-libbed. But it was something I desperately needed at this stage of my career and life.
She talked about a time when her husband worked long hours. She was helping him study for firefighters testing and they had a small baby. In order to help their family out, she strapped the baby to her chest while she cleaned a few houses. "Women do what they need to," she said. "If you are doing what your family needs, be proud of that."
What? I'm a mom. I'm not proud...I'm guilty of not being Super Woman!
But she's right. I should be proud--
-of finding a fulltime job that pays decent without having recent experience.
-of working every day and still chasing my dreams.
-for teaching my children that dreams are worth sacrifice and hard work.
-for focusing on my children in the time I have with them.
-Making an effort to include fun activities or things they want to do when I can.
-expressing my gratitude for and to those who help me, including my husband, kids, mother, mother-in-law, sister, sister-in-law, and many others.
That, I think, is something to be proud of! All of you hardworking moms and dads out there, what are you proud of today? Give yourself a shout out! You deserve it!!!!
Dani
So many times when we're dieting we focus on what we "can't" eat, and very little notoriety is given to what we CAN.
With my new meds and attempt to balance food, I find I have to have protein, which means meats for dinner. I'm notorious for cooking them until they're dry, because I worry they'll be raw in the middle. (Hubby, on the other hand, is great at it, but not home at dinnertime.) Plus, with a busy lifestyle (day job, kids' activities, writing, a house...), I don't have time to cook at full meal every night.
So today I want to share a quick and easy favorite from our house: mexican chicken. Just throw it in the crockpot (don't forget the slow cooker bag!) and by dinnertime its ready to shred and use for a salad, burritos, tacos, nachos, whatever you heart desires -- as long as you can be bothered to throw it together. :)
Here it is:
3 large bone-in chicken breasts (if you use boneless, add an extra breast)
1 large jar black bean & corn salsa (I prefer the Walmart brand.)
Line your crockpot with a slow cooker bag, add chicken, then pour jar of salsa on top. Set to low heat for 6 hours. Remove chicken from crockpot and shred with a fork. Serve as desired.
See? Easy peasy!
Challenge: What's your favorite "healthy" dish these days?
Dani