Sis and I were having a texting meltdown after she'd had one of THOSE days. You know the kind. When everything that can go wrong, will go wrong.
Yeah, THOSE days.
These conversations make me feel kind of helpless, because there's not much I can say to help – and I feel like I should help. Without thinking, I finally told her to go online, and look at pictures from the place that she was vacationing at later this year. To imagine herself being there, and how much she was going to enjoy it.
[caption id="attachment_1003" align="aligncenter" width="300"]
Dani in Dublin, Ireland park[/caption]
It wasn't until then that I realized I've been doing exactly the same thing for a month. I got a bee in my bonnet that I wanted to go on a little weekend writing retreat, all by my lonesome, sometime this spring. While hubby was completely agreeable, the decision will rest on the same thing it always does – finances.
So I have no idea if I will get to go, but I've been searching online for hotels, places to eat, walking trails – and with each picture, I feel calm and happy.
That may be sad to some, but I consider it to be self–medicating — without the happy pill. I can take that trip any day. :)
[caption id="attachment_1004" align="aligncenter" width="300"]
Store in Dublin, Ireland[/caption]
If you could take a virtual vacation anywhere at all, where would you go?
Dani
Dani in Dublin, Ireland park[/caption]
It wasn't until then that I realized I've been doing exactly the same thing for a month. I got a bee in my bonnet that I wanted to go on a little weekend writing retreat, all by my lonesome, sometime this spring. While hubby was completely agreeable, the decision will rest on the same thing it always does – finances.
So I have no idea if I will get to go, but I've been searching online for hotels, places to eat, walking trails – and with each picture, I feel calm and happy.
That may be sad to some, but I consider it to be self–medicating — without the happy pill. I can take that trip any day. :)
[caption id="attachment_1004" align="aligncenter" width="300"]
Store in Dublin, Ireland[/caption]
If you could take a virtual vacation anywhere at all, where would you go?
Dani
Summer is tough for me—not in the same it was when I was a Stay At Home Mom. Instead of going stir crazy at home with my kids, wondering what they’re doing, how can I arrange for them to have more fun during the summer, and always, always—have I made choices that are shortchanging my kids?
I’m never with them during the weekdays anymore, so I have to ask other people to watch them (which doesn’t always equal fun). I feel guilty for asking other people to take them places, do things with them. When I’m not at the Day Job, I’m trying to write, which is also not fun for them. Though sometimes I take them to things and write while they’re occupied. I try to say “yes” to weekend activities, then feel guilty when I get zero writing done.
Motherhood isn’t just tough, it’s a tug of war.
I never thought I’d resent having to leave someone else with my children every day—I also never understood the guilt that accompanies having no choice but to do that.
What do I give up? Where do I cut back? What does that mean in terms of my writing career? I’m already slow to release my books because of my other obligations.
No one said parenting would be easy. It’s the hardest, most emotional investment I’ve ever made. In the end, the question of whether I’ve made the best choices can’t be answered. Maybe after they’re grown and gone and its too late for me to change anything. But as a counselor friend of mine once said, “The fact that you question yourself makes you a good mother. Some mothers never do.”
What's the biggest thing you question as a mom?
Dani
I’m never with them during the weekdays anymore, so I have to ask other people to watch them (which doesn’t always equal fun). I feel guilty for asking other people to take them places, do things with them. When I’m not at the Day Job, I’m trying to write, which is also not fun for them. Though sometimes I take them to things and write while they’re occupied. I try to say “yes” to weekend activities, then feel guilty when I get zero writing done.
Motherhood isn’t just tough, it’s a tug of war.
I never thought I’d resent having to leave someone else with my children every day—I also never understood the guilt that accompanies having no choice but to do that.
What do I give up? Where do I cut back? What does that mean in terms of my writing career? I’m already slow to release my books because of my other obligations.
No one said parenting would be easy. It’s the hardest, most emotional investment I’ve ever made. In the end, the question of whether I’ve made the best choices can’t be answered. Maybe after they’re grown and gone and its too late for me to change anything. But as a counselor friend of mine once said, “The fact that you question yourself makes you a good mother. Some mothers never do.”
What's the biggest thing you question as a mom?
Dani
My sister, author Ella Sheridan, posted a blog that echoed mine from April 7th. (Both posted on the same day, with no collaboration--imagine that!) But if my remarks about perfectionism and balance resonated with you, hers most definitely will. Check out The Yin Yang That is My Life.
*Above picture courtesy of DonkeyHotey on Flickr
*Above picture courtesy of DonkeyHotey on Flickr
I’ve gotten in a big rush lately.
It makes sense. My life is chaotic and my To Do List never ends. Sometimes you get in that mode of pushing through to the next task, desperate to simply have something completed. Checking things off a To Do List can be oddly addictive when the tasks seem neverending.
But I recently realized quantity doesn’t equal quality. Or rather, I was reminded. :) I’d forgotten in the mad rush to “complete” things.
That frustrates me. As much as I want Daniel’s book on the virtual shelves, rushing to complete his book won’t result in a good book—a book I can be proud of. My most recent Harlequin, Book 2 in the Mill Town Millionaires series, took longer than I anticipated to finish. To do it (and Daniel's book) justice, I have to put off releasing the next Backstage Pass book, Settling the Score, until later this Spring.
I’m trying to remember that my current chaotic state won’t last forever. I’d rather please my readers with a good story, rather than a quick read. (Hopefully my readers will agree.)
These are all decisions that have to be made as an Indie writer. Harlequin sets my deadlines for their books. And I know Awesome Editor would put me through another round of revisions if he wasn’t happy with the story. I can do no less for books of which I alone serve as author, publisher, and promoter.
But to make up for the wait, I want to give you a peek at the cover! My newsletter subscribers have already seen it, but they’re the only ones. I’m so thrilled with it! My cover artist, Elizabeth Wallace, has done a fantastic job. The cover echoes the opening scene of the book, when Daniel finally let’s go of years of control and shows Becca exactly what she’s been missing.
Pretty sexy, huh? I’ll be releasing an excerpt in a few weeks, again first in my newsletter, so be sure to sign up to catch the first sneak peek! And watch here and my FB/Twitter pages for first news on the rescheduled release date.
Dani
Takeaway: What’s one thing where you prefer to have quality over quickness?
Pretty sexy, huh? I’ll be releasing an excerpt in a few weeks, again first in my newsletter, so be sure to sign up to catch the first sneak peek! And watch here and my FB/Twitter pages for first news on the rescheduled release date.
Dani
Takeaway: What’s one thing where you prefer to have quality over quickness?
We've all been there: dishes are piled up, kids are calling, laundry is growing, and the writing isn't done... Life can get out of control in the blink of an eye. The question is, what can we learn from it?
Author Kristen Lamb addresses this topic with a cool perspective in Is Your Life Out of Control?
Dani
Next week is the Romance Writers of America National conference, the ultimate conference in the US for romance writing professionals. It's THE place to learn, socialize, meet industry professionals, and network. My first RWA National conference was quite a few years ago in New York. I was both nervous and exhilarated at the same time. Five conferences later, that hasn't changed. Though I feel those same emotions for different reasons.
This year I'll be meeting my Harlequin editor for the first time, assisting with the RITA awards production, putting faces to the names of my fellow Desire authors, and helping my little sis celebrate her Golden Heart final. I'll also get to attend as a PAN (Published Authors Network - recognition of an author achieving a certain level of professional sales with her writing) member, my debut year after making PAN with my first Harlequin contract.
But I'll also get to meet up with authors I only get to see at conference (like my Ruby Slippered Sisters) and hopefully get to go to a workshop or two on topics that aren't widely available at chapter meetings.
Though attending conference means 4 1/2 days of constant people, along with the stress of being "on" all the time, and even the good stress of catching up and meeting people, these times navigating crowds and learning to pull myself out of my comfort zone have been some of the biggest growth opportunities of my life. They've helped this introvert develop better people skills, more confidence, priorities, and learn to accept not being perfect. By Sunday morning I'm exhausted but happy.
So next week I'll be silent (because I'll be prepping, then gone), but I hope to return with many, many happy memories and some pictures to share!
Until then, share with us your most exciting/exhausting growing experiences. If you'd attended Nationals, what's your favorite memory?
Dani
Oh my goodness, what a horrible day!
As shoes, dress clothes, and bra comes off, I try to shed the tension of the daily grind but its not working very well.
The kids start off tattling on each other, but go silent under my death stare. (I wish.) Before long, they're whining about being forced to do chores and asking what's for dinner. The email inbox reveals another agent rejection (boo) and still no word from my editor (boo hiss).
I start wishing I'd stopped at Krispy Kreme on my way home.
STOP!
I don't know about you, but more days than I care to think about go this way. A lot of it is, I live in my head and I'm a worrier, so I tend to add snow to the snowball as it rolls downhill. And the first and last thought when stress hits me? EAT! It doesn't make sense, but its still there. I'm not going to pretend to have a handle on this -- not even close! But exercise has helped. I don't turn to it as quickly as I should but I'm getting there. My other big stress reliever is a nice, long bath. Shut the door and sink into the hot water -- it can only help! :) Challenge: How do you keep from reaching for food when you're stressed? I can use all the pointers I can get.
I'm blogging with my Ruby Sisters today about when you should or shouldn't keep your writing and personal lives separate. Join us for the discussion! www.RubySlipperedSisterhood.com
Aargh! I’m drowning in work stuff, kid stuff, writing stuff…and now my brain has said its HAD ENOUGH!
Sound familiar? Or am I the only over-achiever wannabe in the room? I want to be the best Mom, wife, daughter, employee, writer I can be. Until I run down with exhaustion. Not good.
So I’m adopting a concept I’ve used with my kids and have heard of others doing. I take a “Mental Health Day”. As a planner, mine have an agenda, of course. They must involve some combination of the following:
1. No work.
That means no day job (if I have PTO, sometimes even if I don’t), but sometimes I schedule it for those oh-too-few Monday holidays. It also means no writing, typing, research, blogging, etc. Yes, writing is fun, but its work for the brain – which needs rest and recuperation.
2. Have fun.
No dishes or laundry. Only activities that I enjoy and refill my depleted energy and enthusiasm. Mine include: reading, watching movies, and scrapbooking.
3. Take a nap.
My perfect day includes an uninterrupted nap. That’s just me. You might have a different heavenly activity, but I love to snuggle down into a fuzzy blanket mid-afternoon and drift away for a while.
I don't get to indulge in them nearly often enough, but I think days whose sole purpose is to renew and refresh your brain are very important. Those are my 3 must-haves for a perfect Mental Health Day. What are yours?
Sound familiar? Or am I the only over-achiever wannabe in the room? I want to be the best Mom, wife, daughter, employee, writer I can be. Until I run down with exhaustion. Not good.
So I’m adopting a concept I’ve used with my kids and have heard of others doing. I take a “Mental Health Day”. As a planner, mine have an agenda, of course. They must involve some combination of the following:
1. No work.
That means no day job (if I have PTO, sometimes even if I don’t), but sometimes I schedule it for those oh-too-few Monday holidays. It also means no writing, typing, research, blogging, etc. Yes, writing is fun, but its work for the brain – which needs rest and recuperation.
2. Have fun.
No dishes or laundry. Only activities that I enjoy and refill my depleted energy and enthusiasm. Mine include: reading, watching movies, and scrapbooking.
3. Take a nap.
My perfect day includes an uninterrupted nap. That’s just me. You might have a different heavenly activity, but I love to snuggle down into a fuzzy blanket mid-afternoon and drift away for a while.
I don't get to indulge in them nearly often enough, but I think days whose sole purpose is to renew and refresh your brain are very important. Those are my 3 must-haves for a perfect Mental Health Day. What are yours?
Anybody else charging ahead at full steam into the New Year? :) The holidays are behind us, decorations are boxed up, new toys are in play, and its past time to embrace 2013 with its 365 days of possibilities.
My new year got started with an old lesson. You see, right before Christmas, I caught a flu virus that had me off work for 3 days and in bed for 5. Then my car was stolen, and we had to make replacement arrangements (which included an unexpected family visit), and then I topped off New Years with a secondary bacterial infection in my throat. All this with a proposal still due and family activities cropping up left and right.
So my first lesson of the year 2013 was: It's okay to rest.
I talked about this late last year, but I'm obviously a slow learner. This knowledge hit me hard. I was battling illness and a boatload of stress, and still felt obligated to press on as if everything was normal. Needless to say, that got old quick. I realized it wasn't the end of the world if I had to bow out of something. People usually understand.
After a full day and work and still being sick, I just couldn't push myself to attend my husband's family's Christmas Eve party -- one of my favorite parts of our Christmas celebrations. I stayed home and dozed on the couch, so I had more energy for our Christmas day plans. Then my daughter got to play my part in the adult dirty Santa game -- something she'd been trying to sneak into for several years.
I definitely learned my creative brain does not function well while sick! I spent several nights simply staring at my computer screen, unable to get any words. Still, I persisted. In this case, all I did was increase my frustration and uncertainty about my story. If I'd waited until my brain came back online (know that feeling?), I would have progressed faster without all that angst (great for stories, not so great for creating).
So I cut myself some mental slack. This is one of the hardest things for me to do! Even when my body won't go anymore, my brain is still in "you should be..." mode. I'm practicing my new comeback: Yes, but it will still be there when I get to it. :) Works most... okay, some... of the time. But practice will hopefully make perfect.
So today I'm celebrating once again being healthy and life settling into some sort of normalcy. I'm celebrating rest and relaxation. This will be a GOOD year! What are you celebrating at the start of this new year?
Dani
My new year got started with an old lesson. You see, right before Christmas, I caught a flu virus that had me off work for 3 days and in bed for 5. Then my car was stolen, and we had to make replacement arrangements (which included an unexpected family visit), and then I topped off New Years with a secondary bacterial infection in my throat. All this with a proposal still due and family activities cropping up left and right.
So my first lesson of the year 2013 was: It's okay to rest.
I talked about this late last year, but I'm obviously a slow learner. This knowledge hit me hard. I was battling illness and a boatload of stress, and still felt obligated to press on as if everything was normal. Needless to say, that got old quick. I realized it wasn't the end of the world if I had to bow out of something. People usually understand.
After a full day and work and still being sick, I just couldn't push myself to attend my husband's family's Christmas Eve party -- one of my favorite parts of our Christmas celebrations. I stayed home and dozed on the couch, so I had more energy for our Christmas day plans. Then my daughter got to play my part in the adult dirty Santa game -- something she'd been trying to sneak into for several years.
I definitely learned my creative brain does not function well while sick! I spent several nights simply staring at my computer screen, unable to get any words. Still, I persisted. In this case, all I did was increase my frustration and uncertainty about my story. If I'd waited until my brain came back online (know that feeling?), I would have progressed faster without all that angst (great for stories, not so great for creating).
So I cut myself some mental slack. This is one of the hardest things for me to do! Even when my body won't go anymore, my brain is still in "you should be..." mode. I'm practicing my new comeback: Yes, but it will still be there when I get to it. :) Works most... okay, some... of the time. But practice will hopefully make perfect.
So today I'm celebrating once again being healthy and life settling into some sort of normalcy. I'm celebrating rest and relaxation. This will be a GOOD year! What are you celebrating at the start of this new year?
Dani