A couple of weeks ago, I packed my bags and headed out of town. No hubby or kids. No girlfriends. No fellow authors. Just me, my computer, and my characters for 4 days. Like a writing retreat, but solo.
At first, it always feels a little weird. But I've spent so many years writing out by myself or with author Ella Sheridan than I'm used to it. To feel the complete silence of the hotel room, and know that I wouldn't be interrupted was a relief. I've been pushing pretty hard over the past year, through working with kids in the room, scribbling notes at the day job, pushing through to write in short periods of time where its hard to immerse myself in my characters. Yeah, relief was an understatement.
I took Nate and Sara's novella with me. My goal was to finish it, which I didn't. But I made really good progress. Even more important, I was able to sink into the characters and reacquaint myself with them. Spend time thinking about what they would do and say, without the pressure to finish before someone needed something.
I think this is a great way to refill our creative well. I talk often about "refilling the well" in terms of renewing our energy, etc., but this is about the creative part of our lives. It reminded me to find ways to reconnect with this part of my life also, which will improve my writing, and also my enjoyment of my writing. That was a happy thing!
[caption id="attachment_1061" align="alignleft" width="150"]
I wish this was my hotel room. Wouldn't that have been atmospheric?[/caption]
Another happy thing is going on today! I'm sharing on 2 other blogs and I hope you will join me. I'm over with the Nice Girls talking about, guess what, refilling the well. :) And my latest hero, Jacob Blackstone (The Blackstone Heir), is being featured on the USA Today Happily Ever After blog with some other chivalrous heroes.
What's your happy thing today?
Dani
I took Nate and Sara's novella with me. My goal was to finish it, which I didn't. But I made really good progress. Even more important, I was able to sink into the characters and reacquaint myself with them. Spend time thinking about what they would do and say, without the pressure to finish before someone needed something.
I think this is a great way to refill our creative well. I talk often about "refilling the well" in terms of renewing our energy, etc., but this is about the creative part of our lives. It reminded me to find ways to reconnect with this part of my life also, which will improve my writing, and also my enjoyment of my writing. That was a happy thing!
[caption id="attachment_1061" align="alignleft" width="150"]
I wish this was my hotel room. Wouldn't that have been atmospheric?[/caption]
Another happy thing is going on today! I'm sharing on 2 other blogs and I hope you will join me. I'm over with the Nice Girls talking about, guess what, refilling the well. :) And my latest hero, Jacob Blackstone (The Blackstone Heir), is being featured on the USA Today Happily Ever After blog with some other chivalrous heroes.
What's your happy thing today?
Dani
I'm excited to be over at The Writer Zen Garden today with A. Catherine Noon to hopefully offer some encouragement to my fellow writers who have to juggle their dream with a day job. Join us with your own ideas or just to be encouraged today!
Photo used courtesy of イーアン正 モール from Dearborn, United States on WikiCommons
Photo used courtesy of イーアン正 モール from Dearborn, United States on WikiCommons
I’ve gotten in a big rush lately.
It makes sense. My life is chaotic and my To Do List never ends. Sometimes you get in that mode of pushing through to the next task, desperate to simply have something completed. Checking things off a To Do List can be oddly addictive when the tasks seem neverending.
But I recently realized quantity doesn’t equal quality. Or rather, I was reminded. :) I’d forgotten in the mad rush to “complete” things.
That frustrates me. As much as I want Daniel’s book on the virtual shelves, rushing to complete his book won’t result in a good book—a book I can be proud of. My most recent Harlequin, Book 2 in the Mill Town Millionaires series, took longer than I anticipated to finish. To do it (and Daniel's book) justice, I have to put off releasing the next Backstage Pass book, Settling the Score, until later this Spring.
I’m trying to remember that my current chaotic state won’t last forever. I’d rather please my readers with a good story, rather than a quick read. (Hopefully my readers will agree.)
These are all decisions that have to be made as an Indie writer. Harlequin sets my deadlines for their books. And I know Awesome Editor would put me through another round of revisions if he wasn’t happy with the story. I can do no less for books of which I alone serve as author, publisher, and promoter.
But to make up for the wait, I want to give you a peek at the cover! My newsletter subscribers have already seen it, but they’re the only ones. I’m so thrilled with it! My cover artist, Elizabeth Wallace, has done a fantastic job. The cover echoes the opening scene of the book, when Daniel finally let’s go of years of control and shows Becca exactly what she’s been missing.
Pretty sexy, huh? I’ll be releasing an excerpt in a few weeks, again first in my newsletter, so be sure to sign up to catch the first sneak peek! And watch here and my FB/Twitter pages for first news on the rescheduled release date.
Dani
Takeaway: What’s one thing where you prefer to have quality over quickness?
Pretty sexy, huh? I’ll be releasing an excerpt in a few weeks, again first in my newsletter, so be sure to sign up to catch the first sneak peek! And watch here and my FB/Twitter pages for first news on the rescheduled release date.
Dani
Takeaway: What’s one thing where you prefer to have quality over quickness?
In this day and age, there’s a lot of talk about ‘going after your dreams’ and ‘achieving your dreams’. I highly recommend it. After all, I spent 10 years trying to sell my first novel-length story. I fought hard for my dream, and pushed through the barriers of fear, pride, and uncertainty in order to achieve it.
But there are a few things “they” don’t tell you about achieving your dreams:
1. The work doesn’t stop. Either another goal appears, or you have to continue working just to maintain your dreams. Mostly likely, its both. Dreams don’t lead to easy street.
2. Not everyone will support you. Some will see you as selfish for focusing on something you want. Some will want a piece of your pie without working for it. Some will want to tear you down because of jealousy or just plain meanness. And some people will simply be indifferent, because it isn’t their dream.
3. Some people will more than support you. They’ll actually put their belief in you into action, going out of their way to help you live your dreams. This selflessness on the part of others is an extremely humbling experience, which means...
4. Support from others doesn’t always feel good. Knowing that someone is giving of their time and energy to help you can lead to guilt, guilt, and more guilt, even though you are more than grateful. Especially for women.
5. Your other responsibilities don’t end. Most authors don’t sit around eating bonbons all day. The day I sold my first novel, I still had to finish out the day at my day job, pick the kids up from school, and cook dinner.
6. Achieving a momentous moment that’s part of your dream is as incredible as they say it is!
7. That incredible high doesn’t last forever. Because dreams aren’t really this finite thing we achieve, they are more like a journey. There are high ridges, and low valleys. Be prepared for both.
8. Did I mention the work doesn’t end?
9. Everything in life doesn’t fall into place, just because you’ve reached this tremendous milestone. Its not like winning the lottery. Most likely, you can’t just quit your day job and land in the lap of luxury.
10. “Living the dream” may not match your expectations, but trust me, you’ll still want it just as much as you did the day you started.
Living the Dream is not for sissies. :)
Dani
Takeaway: What's the most important dream you've worked to achieve in your life?
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"How can you give your family the attention they need while working full time and writing so much?"
When posed this question by another author at National Conference, I was halted in my tracks. Guilt is a problem for me. With 1 rude question, this author unknowingly hit me right in the gut. Though I'd love to be Wonder Woman (and hubby would totally dig that outfit!), I know I'm no super hero(ine). I do worry about short-changing my children or my writing, but I can't give up either. I've worked too hard for both.
I can't quit my day job, as much as I'd like to, because my family needs me to work for a steady income. At least for the time being. That's simply life at this moment. And as much as I'd like to complain about it, I won't. My hubby has gone above and beyond to take care of the kids and family responsibilities so I have more time to write. I won't fuss about the demands on my time when he has just as many on his.
So this is a dilemma I have struggled with since I went back to work full-time, particularly when I'm on a deadline or have to say "no" when my kids want something because there aren't enough minutes in the day.
So when I heard Kristan Higgins speak at RWA Nationals, it truly struck a chord. Both lunch speeches were awesome (other was Cathy Maxwell), but 1 particular statement by Kristen pierced my heart. It wasn't the focus of the speech in actuality, probably something she ad-libbed. But it was something I desperately needed at this stage of my career and life.
She talked about a time when her husband worked long hours. She was helping him study for firefighters testing and they had a small baby. In order to help their family out, she strapped the baby to her chest while she cleaned a few houses. "Women do what they need to," she said. "If you are doing what your family needs, be proud of that."
What? I'm a mom. I'm not proud...I'm guilty of not being Super Woman!
But she's right. I should be proud--
-of finding a fulltime job that pays decent without having recent experience.
-of working every day and still chasing my dreams.
-for teaching my children that dreams are worth sacrifice and hard work.
-for focusing on my children in the time I have with them.
-Making an effort to include fun activities or things they want to do when I can.
-expressing my gratitude for and to those who help me, including my husband, kids, mother, mother-in-law, sister, sister-in-law, and many others.
That, I think, is something to be proud of! All of you hardworking moms and dads out there, what are you proud of today? Give yourself a shout out! You deserve it!!!!
Dani
I can't quit my day job, as much as I'd like to, because my family needs me to work for a steady income. At least for the time being. That's simply life at this moment. And as much as I'd like to complain about it, I won't. My hubby has gone above and beyond to take care of the kids and family responsibilities so I have more time to write. I won't fuss about the demands on my time when he has just as many on his.
So this is a dilemma I have struggled with since I went back to work full-time, particularly when I'm on a deadline or have to say "no" when my kids want something because there aren't enough minutes in the day.
So when I heard Kristan Higgins speak at RWA Nationals, it truly struck a chord. Both lunch speeches were awesome (other was Cathy Maxwell), but 1 particular statement by Kristen pierced my heart. It wasn't the focus of the speech in actuality, probably something she ad-libbed. But it was something I desperately needed at this stage of my career and life.
She talked about a time when her husband worked long hours. She was helping him study for firefighters testing and they had a small baby. In order to help their family out, she strapped the baby to her chest while she cleaned a few houses. "Women do what they need to," she said. "If you are doing what your family needs, be proud of that."
What? I'm a mom. I'm not proud...I'm guilty of not being Super Woman!
But she's right. I should be proud--
-of finding a fulltime job that pays decent without having recent experience.
-of working every day and still chasing my dreams.
-for teaching my children that dreams are worth sacrifice and hard work.
-for focusing on my children in the time I have with them.
-Making an effort to include fun activities or things they want to do when I can.
-expressing my gratitude for and to those who help me, including my husband, kids, mother, mother-in-law, sister, sister-in-law, and many others.
That, I think, is something to be proud of! All of you hardworking moms and dads out there, what are you proud of today? Give yourself a shout out! You deserve it!!!!
Dani
Today I'm sharing a bit about my chaotic writing process with readers at The Pink Heart Society blog. You'll see, I write here, there, and everywhere! Join us!
I recently went to visit my friend, author Kimberly Lang, for walking lessons. That's right. Walking lessons. Or more accurately, lessons for walking in high heels.
I received a special gift for my first publishing contract: a pair of "sale shoes". I've worn moderate heels through the years, but these are 5 inch with a 1 inch platform (so its really like walking in 4 inch heels). And they are so special that I wanted to look natural wearing them -- not be the girl carefully picking her way through the lobby because she's afraid she'll fall in her fantabulous shoes. :)
The lessons went great, and I learned one important thing -- walking with your chin up makes a world of difference in attitude.
When she told me to stop watching my feet and lift my chin, I was amazed at the difference it made. My shoulders went back and I felt stronger, taller (something I could sure use), more centered. It made me look more confidence, even though I didn't feel that way at first.
Fake it till you make it -- the old adage personified. Over the past 6 months, I've found myself looking down a lot in my writing journey too. I keep watching for the next obstacle, the next thing I have to work my way around or over, because delays keep popping up everywhere. Its very frustrating, and more than a little scary for the person who likes to know exactly where she's going. So I have a feeling this little lesson is about more than shoes -- its about life.
I'm trying (with the help of some friends and my hubby) to keep moving forward with my chin up. Rely on my instincts and keep an eye in the distance for what might be coming down the pike. In the long run, that will do me way more good than staring at the obstacles at my feet that I can do nothing about. And those shoes? Well, I walked my way through an entire readers' luncheon without faltering, so I know practice CAN make perfect.
What obstacles have you caught up in the moment? What little things can you do to build your confidence and keep moving forward?
Dani
The lessons went great, and I learned one important thing -- walking with your chin up makes a world of difference in attitude.
When she told me to stop watching my feet and lift my chin, I was amazed at the difference it made. My shoulders went back and I felt stronger, taller (something I could sure use), more centered. It made me look more confidence, even though I didn't feel that way at first.
Fake it till you make it -- the old adage personified. Over the past 6 months, I've found myself looking down a lot in my writing journey too. I keep watching for the next obstacle, the next thing I have to work my way around or over, because delays keep popping up everywhere. Its very frustrating, and more than a little scary for the person who likes to know exactly where she's going. So I have a feeling this little lesson is about more than shoes -- its about life.
I'm trying (with the help of some friends and my hubby) to keep moving forward with my chin up. Rely on my instincts and keep an eye in the distance for what might be coming down the pike. In the long run, that will do me way more good than staring at the obstacles at my feet that I can do nothing about. And those shoes? Well, I walked my way through an entire readers' luncheon without faltering, so I know practice CAN make perfect.
What obstacles have you caught up in the moment? What little things can you do to build your confidence and keep moving forward?
Dani 
We’re working hard to slim down before RWA Nationals in July through healthy eating, exercise, sharing information, and accountability. Join us any time along the way, introduce yourself and post goals, or just contribute to the conversation! We’re here to share!
Welcome Ella Sheridan, who is sharing with us about rewarding ourselves this week!
When B. F. Skinner coined the term “operant conditioning,” we finally had a scientific name for a concept that has been around since the beginning of time: our behavior is modified by its consequences. Call it reward and punishment, reinforce and punisher, whatever; the truth is, rewards make us do more of an action and punishments make us do less. When it comes to losing weight, rewards are key.
I used to reward myself with food—stupid, I know. I’m trying to get away from food, not use it to feed my addiction. Now I give myself a free meal once a week, including dessert, not because I need a reward but because I understand that deprivation leads to bingeing. If I don’t allow myself to have something on a limited schedule, I’m guaranteed to break at some point and gorge myself on all the things I keep away from myself the rest of the time. That’s a safety net, not a reward.
So what do I reward myself with? Some of you have heard me talk about gold stars. I decided I needed immediate feedback on my daily efforts. I couldn’t reward myself with food, so what did I use? Well, I took a page out of my childhood book and put a gold start beside every day on my food diary where I have fulfilled ALL of my goals for that day. When I get seven of those stars, I give myself a non-food-related treat. A new shirt. An album off iTunes. A trip to the dollar movie theater. I’m not certain it matters what you reward yourself with as long as it makes you feel good. Make yourself a list; check it when you are doing well and boost that good feeling with some positive reinforcement.
I also give myself a number-related reward. Every five pounds. Every ten pounds. Every two pounds, doesn’t matter as long as you have a set schedule and stick to it. Knowing when you hit that five-pound mark and you get that new pair of jeans to replace the ones that are too big for you right now might just be the incentive you need to get through the week of hormone-related, I-can’t-get-enough-chocolate-to-save-my-life cravings from he**. My next incentive, when I hit the ten-pound loss mark, is a new bra and panty set from Soma. It’s been so long since I felt beautiful in my underwear, none of which is pretty. I can’t wait to go pick out something I can enjoy every time I put clothes over it—or when I take them off. c;
Challenge: So what’s your reward list? How often do you reward yourself? Do you need to do it more often? Let’s throw out some ideas to help each other build our list of “operant conditioning reinforcers”—and yes, cabana boys and chocolates count, if they’re real, not virtual (Bonnie! c;).
I remembered something about myself tonight. I' m a perfectionist.
Shocking, I know. But I've really struggled over the past few days with a synopsis for my editor. Tonight I wasn't feeling well, was trying to finish the synopsis and send it off, trying to bolster my sinking writer's self-confidence, and it hit me -- I don't have my blog post up for tomorrow. Maybe we could skip just one week? Oh, heaven forbid!!! My perfectionist tendencies kicked in. I certainly could not do that.
Looking back over the last week, I've felt the same way in another area: my diet. I haven't done it perfectly, so I've been very down on myself. Exercise is going well, but I haven't followed my diet to the letter. So of course nothing is working. Of course I feel fat. Of course I'm depressed.
Because I'm not perfect. Hello! We're not supposed to be.
Yes, I can try harder. But I also think this perfectionist thing hurts me. You see, if I can't do something perfectly, why do it? It's a lot easier to just give up. :) So this week I'm going to focus on 1 meal at a time, and stop beating myself up over every little mistake.
Challenge: Are you a perfectionist? Or are you more flexible? How do your personality traits hinder or help your weight loss goals?
Check in today and let us know how you're doing!
Dani (who promises to turn on the comments this week so Ella doesn't panic!!!)
We’re working hard to slim down before RWA Nationals in July through healthy eating, exercise, sharing information, and accountability. Join us any time along the way, introduce yourself and post goals, or just contribute to the conversation! We’re here to share!
Today I have the privilege of hosting my own sister, Ella Sheridan, as she shares some motivation from her own journey!
Don't Wish For It; Work For It.
Over the past few months, this has become my mantra. I’ve spent a lot of the last thirty or so years wishing my weight was something it wasn’t, wishing my body was different, wishing everything I wanted wasn’t so hard. And you know what? Wishing got me exactly what I put into it: almost nothing.
About two years ago, I tore my rotator cuff in my right shoulder during karate training. It was an accident brought on totally by me, not my partner (I turned the wrong way during a throw). I went to the doctor, went through physical therapy, but the injury never truly healed. Finally, last November, my husband and I decided enough was enough and I went back to the orthopedist, who scheduled me for surgery. The week before Christmas, I was under the knife with a minimum four-month recovery period ahead of me.
Yeah, not an easy task.
Here’s the thing: shoulders rotate more than any joint in the body. Can you imagine how hard it is to function when that rotation is now severely limited by ultratight screws, ties, and anchors? Very hard. I was unable to do any cardio exercise for around two months because the jarring hurt so badly, but I came out of therapy three times a week sweating like a dog and crying because it hurt so horribly just to stretch. I had to do it, though; there was no other choice, not if I wanted to heal and heal right.
As time went on, the therapists and I noticed something that frustrated us both. I couldn’t relax enough to let them take me from mostly healed to completely healed. I didn’t trust them enough not to hurt me beyond what I could bear, and so they could only push me so far. (Honestly, they told me just about every session that they’d never had a patient with such horrible trust issues, lol.) To get beyond where they could take me, I had to do it; if I ever wanted full function of my shoulder again, I had to be the one to push myself, not them. Considering I’m a black-belt karate instructor and need full function to continue teaching, wishing and not working was not an option.
So I did the work.
Every day, my shoulder gets stronger. It might be months before I have complete rotational ability again, but I will get there. And it might be months before I arrive at a good, stable, healthy weight for me, but I will get there. I’m now willing to do the work, not just wish the work was done and I looked the way I want to. We all have to be willing to do the work to be healthy, happy writers. That means overcoming obstacles, sacrificing what we need to sacrifice, refusing to accept our own excuses, and committing to long-term diligence, not just this day or this week or this month.
We have. To do. The work.
Will I ever be skinny? No. Will that wish I had as a teenager of being like all the other thin girls who never have to worry about what they eat ever come true? No. But I can and will be healthy. I can and will be the best I can be in the body God gave me. I can and will…if I do the work.
Challenge: Where could you put more effort into your workouts? Eating habits? Stress relief? Share with us today!
Today I have the privilege of hosting my own sister, Ella Sheridan, as she shares some motivation from her own journey!
Don't Wish For It; Work For It.
Over the past few months, this has become my mantra. I’ve spent a lot of the last thirty or so years wishing my weight was something it wasn’t, wishing my body was different, wishing everything I wanted wasn’t so hard. And you know what? Wishing got me exactly what I put into it: almost nothing.
About two years ago, I tore my rotator cuff in my right shoulder during karate training. It was an accident brought on totally by me, not my partner (I turned the wrong way during a throw). I went to the doctor, went through physical therapy, but the injury never truly healed. Finally, last November, my husband and I decided enough was enough and I went back to the orthopedist, who scheduled me for surgery. The week before Christmas, I was under the knife with a minimum four-month recovery period ahead of me.
Yeah, not an easy task.
Here’s the thing: shoulders rotate more than any joint in the body. Can you imagine how hard it is to function when that rotation is now severely limited by ultratight screws, ties, and anchors? Very hard. I was unable to do any cardio exercise for around two months because the jarring hurt so badly, but I came out of therapy three times a week sweating like a dog and crying because it hurt so horribly just to stretch. I had to do it, though; there was no other choice, not if I wanted to heal and heal right.
As time went on, the therapists and I noticed something that frustrated us both. I couldn’t relax enough to let them take me from mostly healed to completely healed. I didn’t trust them enough not to hurt me beyond what I could bear, and so they could only push me so far. (Honestly, they told me just about every session that they’d never had a patient with such horrible trust issues, lol.) To get beyond where they could take me, I had to do it; if I ever wanted full function of my shoulder again, I had to be the one to push myself, not them. Considering I’m a black-belt karate instructor and need full function to continue teaching, wishing and not working was not an option.
So I did the work.
Every day, my shoulder gets stronger. It might be months before I have complete rotational ability again, but I will get there. And it might be months before I arrive at a good, stable, healthy weight for me, but I will get there. I’m now willing to do the work, not just wish the work was done and I looked the way I want to. We all have to be willing to do the work to be healthy, happy writers. That means overcoming obstacles, sacrificing what we need to sacrifice, refusing to accept our own excuses, and committing to long-term diligence, not just this day or this week or this month.
We have. To do. The work.
Will I ever be skinny? No. Will that wish I had as a teenager of being like all the other thin girls who never have to worry about what they eat ever come true? No. But I can and will be healthy. I can and will be the best I can be in the body God gave me. I can and will…if I do the work.
Challenge: Where could you put more effort into your workouts? Eating habits? Stress relief? Share with us today!