This year, my son decided to join Cub Scouts instead of sports. As my husband works long hours, I approached this new development with trepidation. My sister and I went through Girl Scouts with my mom as our troop leader. An all female environment.
Cub Scouts wasn’t exclusively male when we walked into our first meeting, but women were outnumbered about 10 to 1. Working and volunteering in solely female environments has been my lifetime experience, so I viewed all that testosterone with quite a few nerves.
But my Little Man wanted to do this, so I sucked it up and viewed it as an adventure. Boy, did I learn a lot. :)
--A chance to study males interacting with other males, from youth to adults, was eye-opening…and a little disturbing. Did you know that men can be even bigger gossips than women? At least, here in the south they are. Overhearing these conversations is both surprising and amusing – I’ve learned the full dish on so-and-so’s ex-wife, parents-in-law, and mutual friends.
--They really do care more about sports than I can fathom, and can talk about it for longer than I care to listen. But I guess I’m the same about writing (which I think is way more important), so I shouldn’t judge. Except when they talk over the den leader in their eagerness to argue stats. You’re adults for goodness sake! Be quiet.
--Putting on those uniforms can give both boys and men a whole new demeanor. They stand a little straighter, hold their heads higher, and get a whole aura of importance. I’m glad my son can experience that pride at his age. I think it helps boys grow into men who understand what they are capable of, what they can aspire to.
--These men tend to view this strange woman who spends the meetings writing in a notebook (when they don’t need me for something) as an alien to be avoided. That probably isn’t helped by the fact that they all know each other, and I know none of them except 1.
--We all know what a planner I am, and the lack of forethought put into the activities just about kills me. I get no notice of upcoming activities, no information about district events or camps, and it took over a month to get emails from anyone. If I was in charge… But I’m not gonna be! I downsized, remember? Not happening. So I suck it up and try not to complain…okay, maybe every once in a while.
Yep, its been an adventure. I’ve learned a lot more about boys and men and how they behave in groups. Hopefully, it will make my heroes that much more interesting, and help me as a mother to learn my about son.
Cub Scouts wasn’t exclusively male when we walked into our first meeting, but women were outnumbered about 10 to 1. Working and volunteering in solely female environments has been my lifetime experience, so I viewed all that testosterone with quite a few nerves.
But my Little Man wanted to do this, so I sucked it up and viewed it as an adventure. Boy, did I learn a lot. :)
--A chance to study males interacting with other males, from youth to adults, was eye-opening…and a little disturbing. Did you know that men can be even bigger gossips than women? At least, here in the south they are. Overhearing these conversations is both surprising and amusing – I’ve learned the full dish on so-and-so’s ex-wife, parents-in-law, and mutual friends.
--They really do care more about sports than I can fathom, and can talk about it for longer than I care to listen. But I guess I’m the same about writing (which I think is way more important), so I shouldn’t judge. Except when they talk over the den leader in their eagerness to argue stats. You’re adults for goodness sake! Be quiet.
--Putting on those uniforms can give both boys and men a whole new demeanor. They stand a little straighter, hold their heads higher, and get a whole aura of importance. I’m glad my son can experience that pride at his age. I think it helps boys grow into men who understand what they are capable of, what they can aspire to.
--These men tend to view this strange woman who spends the meetings writing in a notebook (when they don’t need me for something) as an alien to be avoided. That probably isn’t helped by the fact that they all know each other, and I know none of them except 1.
--We all know what a planner I am, and the lack of forethought put into the activities just about kills me. I get no notice of upcoming activities, no information about district events or camps, and it took over a month to get emails from anyone. If I was in charge… But I’m not gonna be! I downsized, remember? Not happening. So I suck it up and try not to complain…okay, maybe every once in a while.
Yep, its been an adventure. I’ve learned a lot more about boys and men and how they behave in groups. Hopefully, it will make my heroes that much more interesting, and help me as a mother to learn my about son.
There are some days when just looking at my To Do list can give me a panic attack. The list grows and grows, no matter now much I mark off of it. Until sometimes I can feel like I'm drowning in stuff that needs to be done.
Admitting that honestly showed me that there are many reasons as parents, spouses, writers, employees, etc, that we might feel the need to cut back on our responsibilities and commitments. For myself, I had to cut back when I had new babies, when I took on a job outside the home, and now that my oldest child has extra curricular activities that require being driven. But most recently I upped my day job to full-time and my downtime to non-existent because I've taken on too many commitments and find myself completely overwhelmed. I bet no one does that but me, huh?
1. Evaluate priorities.
I have this unbearable urge to throw up my hands and chuck it all -- but it doesn't stick with me for long. I'm too much of a planner (nice word for obsessive) for that. Way before any cutting or confirmation happens, take a step back and a good look at your goals and direction. For me, this means taking care of my family financially and emotionally. Then furthering my writing craft and publishing career, and preserving the joy of my creativity. Taking care of myself physically and emotionally, so I can do everything else on this list. Did I mention I need to breathe sometimes? Finally, taking care of my extended family and very close friends in a way that protects those relationships and allows me to show these people my love for them.
2. Line up commitments.
Then I put my compulsive list-making to good use! I make a long, long list of everything I've got going on (and it seems to grow every day -- how does THAT happen?). I like paper, some of my friends use computer programs. For those of you who aren't list-obsessive like me, maybe a mental checklist would work? Then compare those things to the priorities list. And yes, I'll admit to trying to spread my list-making disease. :)
3. The Dreaded Cut
This is the part I hate. Some things are so easy to give up, and others I really struggle with, but I always seem to feel better once the decision is made. As I mentioned earlier, between the job, writing, and growing children, I've had to make more and more cuts. I no longer have much time during the week to see friends, but I try to make time once a month to do that on a weekend. I try to do as many of my daughter's band activities as possible, but told her not to plan on going to any out of town competitions because of time/money. I’ve given up all of my local writing chapter volunteer duties and only volunteer for 1 event per year for each of the kids. I make it count – often heading up a function – but that’s the only thing I do.
But its not just about cutting, its about deciding what is important enough to keep. Is there a particular project that means a great deal to you? And by that, I mean almost as important as your family. Will this volunteer opportunity serve you or your career in some way? Why do you want to put it on the keep list? Do you have a full understanding of everything that it will entail?
4. Evaluate any new opportunities that come along
Yeah, I can Epic Fail at this one really easy, so I have to be really careful and uber aware.
Recently I had chance to work on a large organization committee. I'd just offloaded all of my local chapter responsibilities, and wasn't sure about adding anything back on. But after evaluating the Pros and Cons, the benefits outweighed the amount of time it would require of me -- so I took it. The point here is that I thought about it first. I didn't jump first and regret later.
Do you ever go back and reevaluate the chaos that is your life? How do you decide what to keep and when something's gotta go?
This past weekend I went to my local Romance Writers' group's Christmas party. Every year we do a fun gift exchange that involves scheming, stealing, and lots of laughter. But this year I scored a gift (with the help of a friend!) that had my kids thrilled when I walked back in the door. This:
[caption id="attachment_305" align="aligncenter" width="225"]
It's Dinner Tonight![/caption]
At least this one I planned for them to use, and use it we did! Now they beg for hot dogs at every meal. Then there are the years I bring home lots of smell good bath products or candles -- my daughter has her hand in the bag before I can blink!
What's the best gift you ever brought home from a gift exchange? The worst?
Dani (who might just get some ideas for next year...)
Don't forget to join me on Friday for the Christmas blog hop that has tons of great prizes and holiday ideas!
It's Dinner Tonight![/caption]
At least this one I planned for them to use, and use it we did! Now they beg for hot dogs at every meal. Then there are the years I bring home lots of smell good bath products or candles -- my daughter has her hand in the bag before I can blink!
What's the best gift you ever brought home from a gift exchange? The worst?
Dani (who might just get some ideas for next year...)
Don't forget to join me on Friday for the Christmas blog hop that has tons of great prizes and holiday ideas!
The holidays are fully upon us, and we all know that December can be a crazy time for families! Parents have work party commitments, friends they’d like to see, and extended family get-togethers. Kids have school parties, extracurricular activities, and church programs. Volunteer efforts abound. And all around us is the pressure to create the “Perfect Holiday”.
While the most renewing part of this season is the time spent with family and those we love, by the time we show up we’re exhausted from cooking, buying, wrapping, etc. So I’ve compiled some wonderful tips and tricks for how to Simplify the Holidays from myself and some of my fellow romance authors! I hope one of these little nuggets of wisdom from women who struggle with the same balance of time and obligations that we all have will make your holiday season just a little bit easier!
Share your own tip in the comments for a chance to win an Amazon or B&N gift card as a little reward for all your hard work!*
SHOPPING & PRESENTS:
From Laurie Kellogg, author of the sexy, sassy holiday story No Exchanges, No Returns
I believe families bond over shared experiences, not exchanging THINGS. This gift can be a little pricier, but it's worth the extra cost. To simplify holiday shopping, find an event or activity (play, circus, ice show, concert / bowling, skiing, rollerskating, movie, etc) that the entire family will enjoy and give everyone a ticket to attend as a group. If you can afford to be really extravagant plan a shared vacation. I like to attach each ticket or invitation to a favorite snack or treat to personalize the gift. (It's only one trip to the grocery story, but you have to KNOW what each family member's guilty pleasure is). If you use tissue paper and small gift bags, your shopping is done for the entire family in less than two hours.
From Betty Bolte, author of the combination YA historical fiction and biography Hometown Heroines (True Stories of Bravery, Daring, and Adventure)
Years ago, after one memorable year trying to stuff all the presents into the trunk of the car so we could make the trip home from grandparents’ house, we started including family activities in lieu of so many “things” under the tree. So we go to see the Galaxy of Lights then go to a nice restaurant for dinner. We also try to go to a Christmas concert – at the university or a professional production – this year we’re seeing the Celtic Woman Christmas performance. This way we’re creating memories rather than filling up the house with objects, which means less time spent shopping and wrapping and more time together as a family.
From Vivi Andrews, author of the paranormal romance Finder’s Keeper
If you have a big family (like mine), consider a Secret Santa or White Elephant Gift Exchange to avoid breaking the bank while still having fun and celebrating the season. And if your family is spread out all across the world (also like mine) and shipping costs are getting out of control, you might want to try what we do - ask for volunteers to be "designated shopper" in each city (continent, whatever works for you). That shopper buys and wraps the presents locally (with consultation and reimbursement from the gift giver). The giver saves on time and shipping, while the shopper gets the fun of a gift shopping binge with someone else footing the bill. ;) We started this when my grandparents began having trouble handling the malls during the season and it has snowballed to be a family-wide phenomenon.
From author Marilyn Puett
I shop all year long and keep track of it with a list. I made a Word document with a table with three columns: Name, Gift, Bought. I list all the folks for whom I need to buy a gift and print off the document. I may pencil in gift ideas for some folks. Then during the year when I see things on sale or see the perfect item in a mail-order catalog or online, I get it, mark what it is in the Gift column, put a check mark in the Bought column and put the item on a special shelf in the closet. This year the bulk of my shopping was done by the end of October. I actually bought two gifts in November of LAST year. I saw them in a catalog, thought they would be perfect for my brother-in-law and nephew and went ahead and bought them because I was afraid they wouldn’t be available this year (they are, but they’re more expensive – WIN!). Once all the shopping is done, I type all the info into the list and save it on my hard drive. I have
lists going back quite a few years. This way Uncle So-and-So doesn’t get flannel lounge pants three years in a row. And I’m spared the stress of shopping at the last minute in all the crowds. I have to mail gifts to a lot of my family so the early shopping means I can also beat the long lines at the post office.
When I moved in October, 2009, a friend helped me pack. She saw a box in my closet marked “Playfriends’ Christmas Gifts” and said, “Really?” All I could do was nod and smile. I didn’t tell her they’d been in that box for several months. Now she’ll know. <G>
From author Jannette Spann
We have tall men in our family, 6 ft. 1 to 6 ft 7. I carry a card with their sizes in my purse year round, along with a tape measure. I don't dare depend on manufacturers tags to get the sizes right. I measure for myself. It saves time on returns.
FOOD:
From Tamara Hogan, author of the paranormal romance Chase Me
My tip has to do with COOKIES. A good friend and I get together for a full day in early December and bake holiday cookies together. We choose three recipes each, and at the end of a day spent cooking, gossiping and generally catching up, we have six kinds of cookies to to divide between us. With a beautiful collection of cookies already made, it's a simple matter to arrange a pretty plate for the neighbors, or to bring to an impromptu holiday gathering.
This sounds great, Tamara! My sister and I have done this a couple of times, not just with cookies but with pumpkin bread, chocolate covered pretzels, etc. Then we can split them into holiday containers to give out. Much more fun than cooking all day alone!
From Andrea Laurence, author of the paranormal romance Sexy as Hell
When Christmas comes around, a lot of people like to bake cookies and make candy. Unfortunately, the time is tighter that month than in any other and pre-made dough can be pretty pricy (and not that tasty, if you ask me). Save yourself time and money by making your own cookie dough ahead of time. You can probably start as early as October if you need to. It usually only takes about fifteen minutes to make a batch of cookie dough, so when you get a chance to make it, get out a cookie sheet and scoop balls of dough onto it. Stick it in the freezer for a couple hours. Once they’re frozen, you can put the dough balls in a large ziplock bag. The dough won’t stick together because it was pre-frozen. Put it back in the freezer until you’re ready to bake. Make another batch of cookie dough whenever you can and do the same. When you have the time or the need to bake, just pull out the bag and pop as many as you need into the oven. It may only require an additional minute or so of bake time from frozen. Watch your first batch’s progress and adjust accordingly.
Great idea, Andrea! This could also be done now on a weeknight, then frozen and baked later for a weekend party.
From Dani Wade, author of the contemporary romantic suspense Snow Bound
This is a combined food + present idea, but when I make up lots of food gifts, I like to use some of them for Teachers Gifts. Instead of waiting until the last day of school, I go ahead and send them with my children the next day. That way, I know teachers’ gifts are taken care of, the food is still fresh, and its one less thing my teachers have to carry home on the last day of school.
Consider making your family get-together less about meal preparation, and more about spending time together. Serve delivered pizza or have everyone bring a simple finger food, then enjoy an evening of games and conversation rather than clean-up.
One family I know makes their Christmas Eve get-together “Soup Night”. Each family brings a different soup, including several different chilis, potato soup, and beef stew. The great thing is, these can all be made in advance and frozen until the day before, then heated in crockpots. The hostess provides the “extras”, like cheese, crackers, croutons, etc. Very quick and easy!
DECORATING
From author Ella Sheridan
The past few Christmases, as my kids moved into their teenage years, have become increasingly busy. My family has simplified Christmas by going designer. What do I mean? Instead of hauling out the three tubs of family Christmas ornaments and home decor, we keep it simple and elegant: a real evergreen swag over the hearth, dotted with white candles, a real evergreen tree, decorated with 7-8 clumps of poinsettia, twigs, and feathers I save from year to year, and our nativity on the entertainment center. We can sit in the living area and enjoy Christmas without the hassle of having to work for hours to put it together or put everything away, and it looks like we spent a fortune when all we have to buy are the evergreens!
From Dani Wade
I recently received a tip from a friend when I was complaining about the hassle of decorating outside. She told me to simplify my decorations by choosing items that were easy to put out/take down and gave a lot of bang for their buck. No more ladders or hard-to-reach work. For instance, net lights for my bushes – lots of lights and all I have to do is throw them over the bush and plug in. A wreath on the door. Maybe a couple of lighted trees set on each side of the door. Voila! Done!
GET-TOGETHERS WITH FRIENDS
From Dani Wade
I don’t know about you, but I have lots of friends that I love to see over the holidays. But we all have very busy weekends that are already packed full. TWO possible solutions: 1) Get a big group of you all together on a weeknight at a restaurant. Then there’s no cooking/clean-up and fewer conflicts. 2) Put off the get-together until January, when schedules start to unwind. Christmas doesn’t only have to happen in December! Exchange gifts while you eat out, catch a movie, or whatever you had been wanting to do in December but didn’t have time for.
AND FINALLY…My Favorite
From Rita Henuber, author of the romantic thriller Under Fire: The Admiral
I suggest everyone stop listening to the media hype about what you should be doing to have a perfect holiday. There is no such animal. Relax. Hug your family. Do what makes you and your family happy. If you want Taco Bell, KFC, or Subway on paper plates for the family feast, DO IT! Think back to your most memorable Christmas as a child. Do you remember how perfect it was or something else? Admittedly, I am not the norm but I remember the Christmas my aunt’s furnace blew spewing oily back soot through the house and helping to clean up the mess. My husband remembers the year his flying squirrel got loose and took out the Christmas tree. I remember when my three year old son got loose at mass, crossed over the alter and went to sit in the life size nativity scene. My Midwest aunt kept her house at 89 degrees in the winter. At Christmas, my cousins and their families came in shorts and Hawaiian shirts. The pictures are hysterical.
Enjoy your day and hug your family – a lot.
So what steps do you take to Simplify Christmas? Comment for a chance to win an Amazon or B&N gift card!
*Prizes must be claimed within 5 days of being notified you've won.
SHOPPING & PRESENTS:
From Laurie Kellogg, author of the sexy, sassy holiday story No Exchanges, No Returns
I believe families bond over shared experiences, not exchanging THINGS. This gift can be a little pricier, but it's worth the extra cost. To simplify holiday shopping, find an event or activity (play, circus, ice show, concert / bowling, skiing, rollerskating, movie, etc) that the entire family will enjoy and give everyone a ticket to attend as a group. If you can afford to be really extravagant plan a shared vacation. I like to attach each ticket or invitation to a favorite snack or treat to personalize the gift. (It's only one trip to the grocery story, but you have to KNOW what each family member's guilty pleasure is). If you use tissue paper and small gift bags, your shopping is done for the entire family in less than two hours.
From Betty Bolte, author of the combination YA historical fiction and biography Hometown Heroines (True Stories of Bravery, Daring, and Adventure)
Years ago, after one memorable year trying to stuff all the presents into the trunk of the car so we could make the trip home from grandparents’ house, we started including family activities in lieu of so many “things” under the tree. So we go to see the Galaxy of Lights then go to a nice restaurant for dinner. We also try to go to a Christmas concert – at the university or a professional production – this year we’re seeing the Celtic Woman Christmas performance. This way we’re creating memories rather than filling up the house with objects, which means less time spent shopping and wrapping and more time together as a family.
From Vivi Andrews, author of the paranormal romance Finder’s Keeper
If you have a big family (like mine), consider a Secret Santa or White Elephant Gift Exchange to avoid breaking the bank while still having fun and celebrating the season. And if your family is spread out all across the world (also like mine) and shipping costs are getting out of control, you might want to try what we do - ask for volunteers to be "designated shopper" in each city (continent, whatever works for you). That shopper buys and wraps the presents locally (with consultation and reimbursement from the gift giver). The giver saves on time and shipping, while the shopper gets the fun of a gift shopping binge with someone else footing the bill. ;) We started this when my grandparents began having trouble handling the malls during the season and it has snowballed to be a family-wide phenomenon.
From author Marilyn Puett
I shop all year long and keep track of it with a list. I made a Word document with a table with three columns: Name, Gift, Bought. I list all the folks for whom I need to buy a gift and print off the document. I may pencil in gift ideas for some folks. Then during the year when I see things on sale or see the perfect item in a mail-order catalog or online, I get it, mark what it is in the Gift column, put a check mark in the Bought column and put the item on a special shelf in the closet. This year the bulk of my shopping was done by the end of October. I actually bought two gifts in November of LAST year. I saw them in a catalog, thought they would be perfect for my brother-in-law and nephew and went ahead and bought them because I was afraid they wouldn’t be available this year (they are, but they’re more expensive – WIN!). Once all the shopping is done, I type all the info into the list and save it on my hard drive. I have
lists going back quite a few years. This way Uncle So-and-So doesn’t get flannel lounge pants three years in a row. And I’m spared the stress of shopping at the last minute in all the crowds. I have to mail gifts to a lot of my family so the early shopping means I can also beat the long lines at the post office.
When I moved in October, 2009, a friend helped me pack. She saw a box in my closet marked “Playfriends’ Christmas Gifts” and said, “Really?” All I could do was nod and smile. I didn’t tell her they’d been in that box for several months. Now she’ll know. <G>
From author Jannette Spann
We have tall men in our family, 6 ft. 1 to 6 ft 7. I carry a card with their sizes in my purse year round, along with a tape measure. I don't dare depend on manufacturers tags to get the sizes right. I measure for myself. It saves time on returns.
FOOD:
From Tamara Hogan, author of the paranormal romance Chase Me
My tip has to do with COOKIES. A good friend and I get together for a full day in early December and bake holiday cookies together. We choose three recipes each, and at the end of a day spent cooking, gossiping and generally catching up, we have six kinds of cookies to to divide between us. With a beautiful collection of cookies already made, it's a simple matter to arrange a pretty plate for the neighbors, or to bring to an impromptu holiday gathering.
This sounds great, Tamara! My sister and I have done this a couple of times, not just with cookies but with pumpkin bread, chocolate covered pretzels, etc. Then we can split them into holiday containers to give out. Much more fun than cooking all day alone!
From Andrea Laurence, author of the paranormal romance Sexy as Hell
When Christmas comes around, a lot of people like to bake cookies and make candy. Unfortunately, the time is tighter that month than in any other and pre-made dough can be pretty pricy (and not that tasty, if you ask me). Save yourself time and money by making your own cookie dough ahead of time. You can probably start as early as October if you need to. It usually only takes about fifteen minutes to make a batch of cookie dough, so when you get a chance to make it, get out a cookie sheet and scoop balls of dough onto it. Stick it in the freezer for a couple hours. Once they’re frozen, you can put the dough balls in a large ziplock bag. The dough won’t stick together because it was pre-frozen. Put it back in the freezer until you’re ready to bake. Make another batch of cookie dough whenever you can and do the same. When you have the time or the need to bake, just pull out the bag and pop as many as you need into the oven. It may only require an additional minute or so of bake time from frozen. Watch your first batch’s progress and adjust accordingly.
Great idea, Andrea! This could also be done now on a weeknight, then frozen and baked later for a weekend party.
From Dani Wade, author of the contemporary romantic suspense Snow Bound
This is a combined food + present idea, but when I make up lots of food gifts, I like to use some of them for Teachers Gifts. Instead of waiting until the last day of school, I go ahead and send them with my children the next day. That way, I know teachers’ gifts are taken care of, the food is still fresh, and its one less thing my teachers have to carry home on the last day of school.
Consider making your family get-together less about meal preparation, and more about spending time together. Serve delivered pizza or have everyone bring a simple finger food, then enjoy an evening of games and conversation rather than clean-up.
One family I know makes their Christmas Eve get-together “Soup Night”. Each family brings a different soup, including several different chilis, potato soup, and beef stew. The great thing is, these can all be made in advance and frozen until the day before, then heated in crockpots. The hostess provides the “extras”, like cheese, crackers, croutons, etc. Very quick and easy!
DECORATING
From author Ella Sheridan
The past few Christmases, as my kids moved into their teenage years, have become increasingly busy. My family has simplified Christmas by going designer. What do I mean? Instead of hauling out the three tubs of family Christmas ornaments and home decor, we keep it simple and elegant: a real evergreen swag over the hearth, dotted with white candles, a real evergreen tree, decorated with 7-8 clumps of poinsettia, twigs, and feathers I save from year to year, and our nativity on the entertainment center. We can sit in the living area and enjoy Christmas without the hassle of having to work for hours to put it together or put everything away, and it looks like we spent a fortune when all we have to buy are the evergreens!
From Dani Wade
I recently received a tip from a friend when I was complaining about the hassle of decorating outside. She told me to simplify my decorations by choosing items that were easy to put out/take down and gave a lot of bang for their buck. No more ladders or hard-to-reach work. For instance, net lights for my bushes – lots of lights and all I have to do is throw them over the bush and plug in. A wreath on the door. Maybe a couple of lighted trees set on each side of the door. Voila! Done!
GET-TOGETHERS WITH FRIENDS
From Dani Wade
I don’t know about you, but I have lots of friends that I love to see over the holidays. But we all have very busy weekends that are already packed full. TWO possible solutions: 1) Get a big group of you all together on a weeknight at a restaurant. Then there’s no cooking/clean-up and fewer conflicts. 2) Put off the get-together until January, when schedules start to unwind. Christmas doesn’t only have to happen in December! Exchange gifts while you eat out, catch a movie, or whatever you had been wanting to do in December but didn’t have time for.
AND FINALLY…My Favorite
From Rita Henuber, author of the romantic thriller Under Fire: The Admiral
I suggest everyone stop listening to the media hype about what you should be doing to have a perfect holiday. There is no such animal. Relax. Hug your family. Do what makes you and your family happy. If you want Taco Bell, KFC, or Subway on paper plates for the family feast, DO IT! Think back to your most memorable Christmas as a child. Do you remember how perfect it was or something else? Admittedly, I am not the norm but I remember the Christmas my aunt’s furnace blew spewing oily back soot through the house and helping to clean up the mess. My husband remembers the year his flying squirrel got loose and took out the Christmas tree. I remember when my three year old son got loose at mass, crossed over the alter and went to sit in the life size nativity scene. My Midwest aunt kept her house at 89 degrees in the winter. At Christmas, my cousins and their families came in shorts and Hawaiian shirts. The pictures are hysterical.
Enjoy your day and hug your family – a lot.
So what steps do you take to Simplify Christmas? Comment for a chance to win an Amazon or B&N gift card!
*Prizes must be claimed within 5 days of being notified you've won.
The past few weeks have been crazy! On top of my first book release, I've started a new day job that requires longer hours and no internet access (I'm definitely feeling the deprivation). As a wife, mother, and woman with a bazillion things that need to be done, I can relate with the need to juggle and make things work. We all have to do it. And when change comes into our lives, so do new coping strategies.
At least, I'm hoping they do! I've been trying out several different things, working to make everything run smoothly and also leave time for me to write and sleep and have some kind of a life. As we all know, there's never any definitive answers, and as soon as our families settle into a pattern something new usually comes along. But for now, here's a few goals that I'm aiming for every day:
1. Keep meals simple, utilize the crockpot often, and save the meal for the weekend if its going to take to long to prepare. Oh, and we're eating plenty of leftovers. I'm hoping if we have frozen foods once or twice a week, there won't be any lasting damage!
2. Use my lunch break to get in some writing or plotting, so that I've already started the process before I finally get to write at home. This usually nets me at least 500 words, and really rejuvenates me during the day. It also helps me feel like I'm accomplishing something on those nights when we have too many things going on and I have to hit the bed without writing.
3. Don't multitask. At least in terms of creativity and family. Now household chores, sure, it works great. But my creativity needs one-on-one time, and so does my family, even if its short bursts. That's a whole new way of thinking about things for me, and will take a little adjustment. Okay, a lot. :) I'm slow, but I eventually get there.
4. Take time for me. Just because life is busy, I work 2 jobs, and always seem to be behind on something, doesn't mean I don't deserve some free time now and again. In fact, I work better if I give myself a break. That's a hard 1 to remember, but it really is true! This might mean a nice, hot bath, or a couple of days to read a book.
As you know, I'm always open to suggestions! I'm still struggling to fit in exercise, keep up with the kids' school stuff, and keep the house clean (though I'm proud to say that we still wouldn't be shut down if the health inspector came, even if I haven't dusted in almost a month). Tell me, how do you do it all? What do you let slide? Where do you spend your time wisely?
Dani
I was privileged to have SNOW BOUND go live on Amazon last week, then Smashwords over the weekend. There were a lot of technical things for me to figure out (and I'm NOT technically minded, believe me), and blog posts for me to prepare for the next month. I chose to go ahead and get those ready, because I start a new full time job next week. Learning new people and a new computer system, I have no idea what level my creative brain will be functioning at next week.
Full time work (and somehow I never get the jobs that have lots of downtime), a family, activities at 2 different schools, writing and publishing -- life is filled to overflowing. I'd love to say I stay on top of everything, know exactly when each child needs to arrive at their special events, remember which day I have guest posts, and when edits are due, but I can't. Other people find me to be very organized, but they simply can't see the little man behind the curtain. :)
The main way I keep up with the bazillion things that happen every week of our lives is my trusty Day Planner. Some years its a more expensive, involved planner; sometimes I go for the basic model. This year it was the latter. I looked several places but found a basic model at the Big Lots store for cheap and snatched it up. Now I don't like small spaces on the page, because my writing is quiet large, but in this case I convinced myself it worked. You see, I'm going to have less time than I used too. Less space = fewer notes. I say its a sign, because I truly won't have enough time nor energy to have a jam-packed day when I come home.
I also keep a list that I call the Mind-Boggling To Do List. This list never ends (as work never ends for parents, I'm sure you'll agree). I simply check off when something is done, and add when something else comes to mind. Now, this might appear to add stress, but actually it relieves it. By getting things that I need to remember on the page, I have confidence that I won't forget them now or in the future. I simply have to look at the list. I can actually "forget" it. :)
So I'm hanging on this week with my Day Planner and Mind-Boggling To Do List. What tools do you use to keep your chaos under control?
Ah, we all have them, those rushed weeknights full of Cub Scout meetings, music lessons, sporting practices, and church activities. We rush, rush, rush to get there, then wait while our beautiful children do their thing. Often twiddling our thumbs when, as writers, we could be accomplishing a whole lot in the span of an hour.
[caption id="attachment_188" align="aligncenter" width="300"]
Game Time![/caption]
Now I might as well admit up front that I was never one of those women glued to the viewing window when my daughter took gymnastics. I'd glance out once in a while during class to see what they were up to, but otherwise I had better things to do than critique her every tumble and roll. That’s what the teacher is there for. I know that sounds judgmental of me, but its totally true. I don't need to watch every second, especially if I can sit where I can see the action just by looking up. I don't need to spend the whole time critiquing team performance (though I may mentally be cataloguing the coach's performance and making sure my child is safe). And I don't need to talk ad nauseum about the season, upcoming events, other teams, etc.
I need to be writing.
You know how these types of weeknights go: get home, snack, homework, barely enough time to breathe before starting dinner, chow down quick enough to get ready and go. By the time you get home that night, you're exhausted and creativity has disappeared beneath the tidal wave of To Dos. But my schedule doesn't wait for me to have time, its there for me to MAKE time.
Here are some of my options for writing (or writing related activities) during these little pockets of kid activities:
1. Be Prepared
I've found this is easier if I'm prepared. I keep a tote bag packed with a notebook, headphones, pens...just waiting for me to drop in my iPod, plotting notes, and alphie. What's that, you ask? When writing on the go, I find an Alpha Smart to be really helpful. This is a portable, almost indestructible word processing unit (I bought the basic Neo with no option for connecting to the internet) that saves immediately and can download directly into a Word document. Lite enough for me to carry it everywhere and it has 8 different files that I can work on. I also carry a small notebook in my purse, so if I'm caught out I can at least make notes or hand write scenes on that and transcribe it later.
[caption id="attachment_189" align="aligncenter" width="267"]
Music Lessons, Anyone?[/caption]
2. Actually Write
I have to start writing immediately, before I get sucked into conversations or daydream away the whole hour. I find a comfortable chair (or spot on the basketball court sidelines -- I'm not above sitting on the floor) and pull out the alphie and notes. No piddling! If I'm not in the mood to dip into my story, I can easily write up a blog post, article, or notes during that time.
3. Editing Anyone?
Some people can't write with people or noise around, and I totally understand that. But even if you can't write, you can try editing. I have to have my (old and heavy) laptop for this, but I can get a lot of editing done in this space of time. And the screen on my laptop does even more to deter conversations than the flat alphie.
4. Antisocial Much?
For some, this approach is a little too antisocial for them. I get it. But you could still get something accomplished during "bleacher time". Don't start off talking -- its too hard to rein that puppy in once it gets started. But give yourself 45 minutes to write, then pack up and spend the last 15 minutes connecting with the parents around you.
[caption id="attachment_190" align="aligncenter" width="300"]
Even More Game Time[/caption]
5. Non-writing Options
If you aren't prepared to write, then there are a few other things you can do to make this downtime worthwhile:
-People watch: Gain some insight into people's actions, how they move, gestures, how they talk to each other, etc., to make your characters come to life.
-Read a craft book: Keep a craft book or Kindle with you and spend some time brushing up on techniques that will deepen your skills.
How do you fit what you need to do into the "bleacher time"?
Dani
Game Time![/caption]
Now I might as well admit up front that I was never one of those women glued to the viewing window when my daughter took gymnastics. I'd glance out once in a while during class to see what they were up to, but otherwise I had better things to do than critique her every tumble and roll. That’s what the teacher is there for. I know that sounds judgmental of me, but its totally true. I don't need to watch every second, especially if I can sit where I can see the action just by looking up. I don't need to spend the whole time critiquing team performance (though I may mentally be cataloguing the coach's performance and making sure my child is safe). And I don't need to talk ad nauseum about the season, upcoming events, other teams, etc.
I need to be writing.
You know how these types of weeknights go: get home, snack, homework, barely enough time to breathe before starting dinner, chow down quick enough to get ready and go. By the time you get home that night, you're exhausted and creativity has disappeared beneath the tidal wave of To Dos. But my schedule doesn't wait for me to have time, its there for me to MAKE time.
Here are some of my options for writing (or writing related activities) during these little pockets of kid activities:
1. Be Prepared
I've found this is easier if I'm prepared. I keep a tote bag packed with a notebook, headphones, pens...just waiting for me to drop in my iPod, plotting notes, and alphie. What's that, you ask? When writing on the go, I find an Alpha Smart to be really helpful. This is a portable, almost indestructible word processing unit (I bought the basic Neo with no option for connecting to the internet) that saves immediately and can download directly into a Word document. Lite enough for me to carry it everywhere and it has 8 different files that I can work on. I also carry a small notebook in my purse, so if I'm caught out I can at least make notes or hand write scenes on that and transcribe it later.
[caption id="attachment_189" align="aligncenter" width="267"]
Music Lessons, Anyone?[/caption]
2. Actually Write
I have to start writing immediately, before I get sucked into conversations or daydream away the whole hour. I find a comfortable chair (or spot on the basketball court sidelines -- I'm not above sitting on the floor) and pull out the alphie and notes. No piddling! If I'm not in the mood to dip into my story, I can easily write up a blog post, article, or notes during that time.
3. Editing Anyone?
Some people can't write with people or noise around, and I totally understand that. But even if you can't write, you can try editing. I have to have my (old and heavy) laptop for this, but I can get a lot of editing done in this space of time. And the screen on my laptop does even more to deter conversations than the flat alphie.
4. Antisocial Much?
For some, this approach is a little too antisocial for them. I get it. But you could still get something accomplished during "bleacher time". Don't start off talking -- its too hard to rein that puppy in once it gets started. But give yourself 45 minutes to write, then pack up and spend the last 15 minutes connecting with the parents around you.
[caption id="attachment_190" align="aligncenter" width="300"]
Even More Game Time[/caption]
5. Non-writing Options
If you aren't prepared to write, then there are a few other things you can do to make this downtime worthwhile:
-People watch: Gain some insight into people's actions, how they move, gestures, how they talk to each other, etc., to make your characters come to life.
-Read a craft book: Keep a craft book or Kindle with you and spend some time brushing up on techniques that will deepen your skills.
How do you fit what you need to do into the "bleacher time"?
Dani
Women have lots of frustrations – wash clothes and someone puts more in the dirty clothes hamper, wash dishes and someone uses a glass! Even at work, I put in a round of account payments and more show up.
So today I've decided to talk about why I'm addicted to writing. I know my family must often wonder why I'd prefer to fritter away my time putting words on paper rather than doing their dirty laundry. Well, they'll find the answer in the following (if they were allowed to read it):
**Caveat: These same reasons could also be applied to reading, scrapbooking, knitting, acting, or any hobby or career a person decided to invest themselves in!
#1: Writing stays done.
Once those words are on the page, they stay there. When I turn my back, they don't disappear. No one messes them up. No one erases them. I don't have to rewrite them every 5, 15, or 30 minutes. It's permanent (as long as I backed them up on disk). I may have to revise, but that’s MY choice!
#2: It never complains.
My writing doesn't turn its nose up at what I cook for dinner. Doesn't turn into a prima donna when it doesn't get its way. Doesn't collapse to the floor in a tantrum of tears. Doesn't make seemingly innocent comments about being neglected.
#3: It shows up for an appointment.
Writing is always there. It never stands me up when I'm ready to work. Sure, I've suffered from writer's block plenty of times. But that's not the writing's fault, that's mine. I never have to worry that I'll set aside time to work and end up with no characters, plot, or ideas to work with.
#4: Writing Friends are willing to help.
I've never had a fellow author refuse to answer a question. Never had a brainstorming or critique partner tell me it was too much trouble to work on my book. Never had a Playfriend look exasperated when I asked for help or advice.
#5: Writing never makes me feel guilty.
It doesn't have a "poor pitiful me" look. Doesn't beg, whine, or tear up. Doesn't give me the cold shoulder. And is its own reward for hard work. I’ve felt guilty FOR writing, but again, that hang-up is mine.
#6: Which brings us back to #1: Writing stays done.
It doesn't disappear like my nice, neat flower beds after I've spent weeks digging grass out of them—only to have it grow back in two days.
People wonder why I want to use my free time writing, besides getting another contract? Because it makes the frustrations in life easier to deal with; it shows me the hope beyond the pain; it celebrates the love of friends and family (despite the dirty laundry); it takes me on a journey away from the mundane. Life wouldn't be life without it.
How does writing/reading help you cope with everyday life?
Dani
So today I've decided to talk about why I'm addicted to writing. I know my family must often wonder why I'd prefer to fritter away my time putting words on paper rather than doing their dirty laundry. Well, they'll find the answer in the following (if they were allowed to read it):
**Caveat: These same reasons could also be applied to reading, scrapbooking, knitting, acting, or any hobby or career a person decided to invest themselves in!
#1: Writing stays done.
Once those words are on the page, they stay there. When I turn my back, they don't disappear. No one messes them up. No one erases them. I don't have to rewrite them every 5, 15, or 30 minutes. It's permanent (as long as I backed them up on disk). I may have to revise, but that’s MY choice!
#2: It never complains.
My writing doesn't turn its nose up at what I cook for dinner. Doesn't turn into a prima donna when it doesn't get its way. Doesn't collapse to the floor in a tantrum of tears. Doesn't make seemingly innocent comments about being neglected.
#3: It shows up for an appointment.
Writing is always there. It never stands me up when I'm ready to work. Sure, I've suffered from writer's block plenty of times. But that's not the writing's fault, that's mine. I never have to worry that I'll set aside time to work and end up with no characters, plot, or ideas to work with.
#4: Writing Friends are willing to help.
I've never had a fellow author refuse to answer a question. Never had a brainstorming or critique partner tell me it was too much trouble to work on my book. Never had a Playfriend look exasperated when I asked for help or advice.
#5: Writing never makes me feel guilty.
It doesn't have a "poor pitiful me" look. Doesn't beg, whine, or tear up. Doesn't give me the cold shoulder. And is its own reward for hard work. I’ve felt guilty FOR writing, but again, that hang-up is mine.
#6: Which brings us back to #1: Writing stays done.
It doesn't disappear like my nice, neat flower beds after I've spent weeks digging grass out of them—only to have it grow back in two days.
People wonder why I want to use my free time writing, besides getting another contract? Because it makes the frustrations in life easier to deal with; it shows me the hope beyond the pain; it celebrates the love of friends and family (despite the dirty laundry); it takes me on a journey away from the mundane. Life wouldn't be life without it.
How does writing/reading help you cope with everyday life?
Dani
The other night, I had a conversation with Book Worm that went something like this:
“I can’t go to sleep. I’m not tired,” she said.
This is a familiar refrain at bedtime because it does take her a long time to fall asleep. Although, if she will just get herself quiet and still, it happens much quicker than she likes to think.
“Of course you can’t,” I said.
That prompted a perplexed look on dear daughter’s face.
“Well, if you believe you can’t, then you won’t be able to, right?”
And that’s when it hit me…
Ah, mothers! We spout Do’s, Don’t’s, and How To’s at our children, but would be ashamed if we sometimes listened to ourselves. I know I am. How many times have I thought: “I can’t write like that.” “I’ll never be that good.” “I can’t find an audience for my work.” “I can’t understand why this scene isn’t working.”
Yikes! My vocabulary is often peppered with the word “can’t”, and how can tell her not to perceive things that way when I’m the one setting the bad example? Not good. My mother told me once that the things she was afraid to do often failed, but the things she forced herself to do while pretending a confidence she may not have, most often succeeded. Being shy like me, I knew she’d stumbled onto something very profound.
When I think back there are many things I’ve thought I couldn’t do that I actually did. Have children (which is why I call them my miracle babies). Finish my first book. Sell my first short story. Final in RWA’s Golden Heart contest (c). A handful of times I’ve even said, “I can’t do this anymore,” but a week later I’m back at the computer because the characters won’t shut up.
I recently received an important revision for one of my submissions – one with a quick turnaround and very specific instructions. I was shaking in my boots when I called my mama! The minute I said, “What if I can’t do this?” she stopped me. “None of that,” she said. And she’s right (as mamas usually are!). So every time I wondered, “Can I do this?”, I stopped and told myself, “You can do this. You’ve been training for years. Just take the direction and run with it!”
I could tell you something profound, like “I vow to change my ways from here to eternity” but that’s simply not going to happen. I know myself. I’m pessimistic by nature and struggle with these kinds of things. But I do think I’ll be much more aware of my use of the word “can’t” from here on out and try to use it as a trigger for something positive.
What things have you told yourself you can’t do, but in reality, you simply needed to find a way to get there?
Ah, mothers! We spout Do’s, Don’t’s, and How To’s at our children, but would be ashamed if we sometimes listened to ourselves. I know I am. How many times have I thought: “I can’t write like that.” “I’ll never be that good.” “I can’t find an audience for my work.” “I can’t understand why this scene isn’t working.”
Yikes! My vocabulary is often peppered with the word “can’t”, and how can tell her not to perceive things that way when I’m the one setting the bad example? Not good. My mother told me once that the things she was afraid to do often failed, but the things she forced herself to do while pretending a confidence she may not have, most often succeeded. Being shy like me, I knew she’d stumbled onto something very profound.
When I think back there are many things I’ve thought I couldn’t do that I actually did. Have children (which is why I call them my miracle babies). Finish my first book. Sell my first short story. Final in RWA’s Golden Heart contest (c). A handful of times I’ve even said, “I can’t do this anymore,” but a week later I’m back at the computer because the characters won’t shut up.
I recently received an important revision for one of my submissions – one with a quick turnaround and very specific instructions. I was shaking in my boots when I called my mama! The minute I said, “What if I can’t do this?” she stopped me. “None of that,” she said. And she’s right (as mamas usually are!). So every time I wondered, “Can I do this?”, I stopped and told myself, “You can do this. You’ve been training for years. Just take the direction and run with it!”
I could tell you something profound, like “I vow to change my ways from here to eternity” but that’s simply not going to happen. I know myself. I’m pessimistic by nature and struggle with these kinds of things. But I do think I’ll be much more aware of my use of the word “can’t” from here on out and try to use it as a trigger for something positive.
What things have you told yourself you can’t do, but in reality, you simply needed to find a way to get there?