We have some unusual weather here in the southern US recently. Our winter storms usually consist of 1 to 2 inches of snow that shut the city roads down for a day or so. This past week we got 8 inches of snow! Once it started coming down, roads were impassable in about an hour. Schools closed – even my evil day job closed (which never happens).
Was I excited? Yes! About the snow? Well, it was pretty, so yes. But I was more excited about the time off.
Now, I know moms and dads in different circumstances weren’t as happy. My hubby, who has days off during the week, wasn't nearly as thrilled about more time spent with family. Poor thing, he's born the brunt of bad weather and sick children lately. But to me, the snow days were a gift. Here's why:
1. First and foremost, I hate driving in bad conditions. Closing everything down removes the worry that I would miss any more work because I was afraid to drive on the snowy roads. Not good, for my nerves, or for surrounding vehicles. (Aside rant: People who complain about Southerners not driving in snow should be thanking their lucky stars instead! Do they really want to be on the icy roads with someone that inexperienced and scared?)
2. I get some unexpected SPACE to play with my writing. Whether it's catching up on words or just thinking, brainstorming, I can do it. Without guilt. Guilt comes in all forms and from all sources – evil day job, kids, hubby, family, etc. even from a dirty house.
3. It serves as a reminder to do fun things with my kids. We don't do a lot of “playing”. Most days, I work; they play. But with this unhindered time, I do extra things like take a long walk in the snow with my daughter, or build a horrible rendition of a snowman with my family.
[caption id="attachment_1029" align="aligncenter" width="225"]
It's a Reader Snowman![/caption]
That's just a few of my southern writerly thoughts on Snow Days. What about you? Yay! Or boo!
Dani
Now, I know moms and dads in different circumstances weren’t as happy. My hubby, who has days off during the week, wasn't nearly as thrilled about more time spent with family. Poor thing, he's born the brunt of bad weather and sick children lately. But to me, the snow days were a gift. Here's why:
1. First and foremost, I hate driving in bad conditions. Closing everything down removes the worry that I would miss any more work because I was afraid to drive on the snowy roads. Not good, for my nerves, or for surrounding vehicles. (Aside rant: People who complain about Southerners not driving in snow should be thanking their lucky stars instead! Do they really want to be on the icy roads with someone that inexperienced and scared?)
2. I get some unexpected SPACE to play with my writing. Whether it's catching up on words or just thinking, brainstorming, I can do it. Without guilt. Guilt comes in all forms and from all sources – evil day job, kids, hubby, family, etc. even from a dirty house.
3. It serves as a reminder to do fun things with my kids. We don't do a lot of “playing”. Most days, I work; they play. But with this unhindered time, I do extra things like take a long walk in the snow with my daughter, or build a horrible rendition of a snowman with my family.
[caption id="attachment_1029" align="aligncenter" width="225"]
It's a Reader Snowman![/caption]
That's just a few of my southern writerly thoughts on Snow Days. What about you? Yay! Or boo!
Dani
I'm about to embark on a treacherous adventure – one fraught with numerous areas of danger and opportunity for failure. Will I come out the other side triumphant – or not?
I'm instituting a Day of Rest.
I know it sounds melodramatic (well, I am a fiction author, after all), but I really am worried this might be something I can't stick to.
You see, over the past year, I've learned something about myself: I'm a workaholic. I will spend all day on the weekend in front of a computer – the sad thing is, I'm not always writing. As an author, there is always a push to do more in terms of promotion, outreach, and yes, getting more books on the shelves – yesterday, if not sooner.
Don't get me wrong. As an introvert, I'm surprised by how much I enjoy interacting with readers online. Planning special events is so much fun. Heck, even just thinking of things to make you smile, well, makes me smile. But an author’s online presence today can be time-consuming. Add in an Evil Day Job, husband, kids, and cats – not to mention all the characters clamoring for attention in my head… Exhausting.
The perfectionist in me won't let me stop. I'm afraid if I do, I'll never succeed. I'm also a little afraid that if I ever do stop, I won't be able to start again.
There's a problem, though. I'll let you in on an artistic secret: the busier an author is, the more stress and concern on an author’s mind, and those characters?
They Go Silent.
It's an author's worst nightmare. One I've experienced too often lately. Yes, I can push through and get stories to work – but why do that when I can prevent it in the first place?
Sounds easy, right? But I know myself too well. The siren call of the To Do list is loud, all encompassing sometimes. I'll have to build my resistance muscles. So if you don't hear from me on a Sunday, you'll know why.
Do you enforce a regular day of rest? What usually gets in your way? What do you do to "rest" and rejuvenate?
Dani
I know it sounds melodramatic (well, I am a fiction author, after all), but I really am worried this might be something I can't stick to.
You see, over the past year, I've learned something about myself: I'm a workaholic. I will spend all day on the weekend in front of a computer – the sad thing is, I'm not always writing. As an author, there is always a push to do more in terms of promotion, outreach, and yes, getting more books on the shelves – yesterday, if not sooner.
Don't get me wrong. As an introvert, I'm surprised by how much I enjoy interacting with readers online. Planning special events is so much fun. Heck, even just thinking of things to make you smile, well, makes me smile. But an author’s online presence today can be time-consuming. Add in an Evil Day Job, husband, kids, and cats – not to mention all the characters clamoring for attention in my head… Exhausting.
The perfectionist in me won't let me stop. I'm afraid if I do, I'll never succeed. I'm also a little afraid that if I ever do stop, I won't be able to start again.
There's a problem, though. I'll let you in on an artistic secret: the busier an author is, the more stress and concern on an author’s mind, and those characters?
They Go Silent.
It's an author's worst nightmare. One I've experienced too often lately. Yes, I can push through and get stories to work – but why do that when I can prevent it in the first place?
Sounds easy, right? But I know myself too well. The siren call of the To Do list is loud, all encompassing sometimes. I'll have to build my resistance muscles. So if you don't hear from me on a Sunday, you'll know why.
Do you enforce a regular day of rest? What usually gets in your way? What do you do to "rest" and rejuvenate?
Dani
Recently, a non-writing friend asked, “Do you ever look back and think, ‘Wow, I wrote XX number of books last year?’” Hmmm... honestly, I don’t.
But I should.
Because when I did stop to think about it, it totally blew my mind! Just in my published works, I have 3 contemporary romances written and released, 1 written and scheduled for fall, and 3 in some stage of production. That doesn’t include the 6 additional stories I wrote before I published.
[caption id="attachment_731" align="aligncenter" width="300"]
Titles by author Kira Sinclair[/caption]
It’s pretty astounding to realize I’ve completed that many stories. Most aspiring authors finish 1 book, maybe 2. I have a lot of accomplishments under my belt for a new author. :)
Why don’t I savor these milestones more? I think, when you are a published author working on a publishing deadline, your focus is always ahead to the next book, the next deadline, the tasks on the list left to be done. There’s little time for looking back.
But we should.
[caption id="attachment_732" align="aligncenter" width="300"]
Titles by Kimberly Lang & Andrea Laurence[/caption]
This reminds me of when my kids were babies. There was so much that needed to be done in any given day, that savoring the wonder of having these children in my life was virtually impossible—unless I reminded myself to STOP and look for it. But when I did then...and I do now...what incredible beauty I see!
[caption id="attachment_733" align="aligncenter" width="212"]
Title by Marilyn Baxter[/caption]
I have a group of friends who have been tight knit since long before we published. Now we are ALL published authors. Between us we have numerous novels and novellas. It’s incredible to think about what we’ve accomplished in the 10 years we’ve known each other. Throughout this post are pictures of our books. Looking at them makes me smile. For the record, that’s a good thing when you’re on deadline!
Dani
Takeaway: What accomplishments should you stop and savor? What memories make you smile in the midst of your current hard work?
Titles by author Kira Sinclair[/caption]
It’s pretty astounding to realize I’ve completed that many stories. Most aspiring authors finish 1 book, maybe 2. I have a lot of accomplishments under my belt for a new author. :)
Why don’t I savor these milestones more? I think, when you are a published author working on a publishing deadline, your focus is always ahead to the next book, the next deadline, the tasks on the list left to be done. There’s little time for looking back.
But we should.
[caption id="attachment_732" align="aligncenter" width="300"]
Titles by Kimberly Lang & Andrea Laurence[/caption]
This reminds me of when my kids were babies. There was so much that needed to be done in any given day, that savoring the wonder of having these children in my life was virtually impossible—unless I reminded myself to STOP and look for it. But when I did then...and I do now...what incredible beauty I see!
[caption id="attachment_733" align="aligncenter" width="212"]
Title by Marilyn Baxter[/caption]
I have a group of friends who have been tight knit since long before we published. Now we are ALL published authors. Between us we have numerous novels and novellas. It’s incredible to think about what we’ve accomplished in the 10 years we’ve known each other. Throughout this post are pictures of our books. Looking at them makes me smile. For the record, that’s a good thing when you’re on deadline!
Dani
Takeaway: What accomplishments should you stop and savor? What memories make you smile in the midst of your current hard work?
In this day and age, there’s a lot of talk about ‘going after your dreams’ and ‘achieving your dreams’. I highly recommend it. After all, I spent 10 years trying to sell my first novel-length story. I fought hard for my dream, and pushed through the barriers of fear, pride, and uncertainty in order to achieve it.
But there are a few things “they” don’t tell you about achieving your dreams:
1. The work doesn’t stop. Either another goal appears, or you have to continue working just to maintain your dreams. Mostly likely, its both. Dreams don’t lead to easy street.
2. Not everyone will support you. Some will see you as selfish for focusing on something you want. Some will want a piece of your pie without working for it. Some will want to tear you down because of jealousy or just plain meanness. And some people will simply be indifferent, because it isn’t their dream.
3. Some people will more than support you. They’ll actually put their belief in you into action, going out of their way to help you live your dreams. This selflessness on the part of others is an extremely humbling experience, which means...
4. Support from others doesn’t always feel good. Knowing that someone is giving of their time and energy to help you can lead to guilt, guilt, and more guilt, even though you are more than grateful. Especially for women.
5. Your other responsibilities don’t end. Most authors don’t sit around eating bonbons all day. The day I sold my first novel, I still had to finish out the day at my day job, pick the kids up from school, and cook dinner.
6. Achieving a momentous moment that’s part of your dream is as incredible as they say it is!
7. That incredible high doesn’t last forever. Because dreams aren’t really this finite thing we achieve, they are more like a journey. There are high ridges, and low valleys. Be prepared for both.
8. Did I mention the work doesn’t end?
9. Everything in life doesn’t fall into place, just because you’ve reached this tremendous milestone. Its not like winning the lottery. Most likely, you can’t just quit your day job and land in the lap of luxury.
10. “Living the dream” may not match your expectations, but trust me, you’ll still want it just as much as you did the day you started.
Living the Dream is not for sissies. :)
Dani
Takeaway: What's the most important dream you've worked to achieve in your life?
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I think, no matter whether your dream is writing a book, being a photographer, being the best mom and wife you can be, or going back to college, every woman has a dream. We all struggle to balance our dreams with the demands of every day life. That's why I enjoyed this post on The Romance Troupe about one author's inspirational struggle. She has a tremendous load to carry, but still doesn't give up on her dreams.
I hope you find it as inspirational as I did!
Dani
I hope you find it as inspirational as I did!
Dani
Chaos.
One look at my bio is enough to convince anyone that this is an appropriate description of my life, at the moment. The things that get my attention are the things that need to be taken care of right now. I try not to let things creep up on me, but it happens more often than I'd like.
This fall/winter I'm struggling to stick to a compressed writing schedule, in hopes of releasing several books early next year. This only adds to the pressure I put on myself. Why? Not because I enjoy it. I'm trying to get my family to a place where I don't have to work full-time. This issue is getting there.
So I'm forever on the search to make things work. My personality works best with some kind of schedule, but its really hard to schedule chaos. I recently tried getting up earlier, thinking more time was the key, but it was no go. I don't cope well with the rest of the day as well with less sleep. So what's a crazy woman with a crazy life to do?
I'm trying to do this:
1. Acceptance
This is just the way life is for now. I don't like it. In fact, it makes me very unhappy at times, but changes aren't coming anytime soon. I need to deal with my attitude and move on. I have a quote posted on my bathroom mirror that says, "I discovered I always have choices, and sometimes it's only a choice of attitude." (Judith M Knowlton) So very, very true.
2. Just Keep Swimming
I have this as my screen saver at my day job. Everything I plan may not get done, but as long as I keep moving forward, progress will be made. Sometimes the snail's pace is very frustrating, but I keep trying. That's important.
3. Touchstones
This is my newest form of "schedule," still in the testing stages. :) My life and activities change daily. I rely heavily on my To Do List and a day planner, but a true, rigid schedule will only get disrupted by last minute homework, illness, or an unexpected errand that puts me behind.
Since I can't find a way to create more time, I have to use what I have more effectively. When I get to work, one of the first things I do is get out my Day Planner. I glance over it for important events and the list of what needs doing today. I prioritize and mentally map out a plan. I'm now calling this my "Touchstone", because I'm touching base with myself and what's going on in my life.
I've started doing the same when I first get home in the afternoon. I greet everyone, put my stuff away, then sit down and see what's left on the agenda for that evening. This way I'm hopefully approaching tasks in a logical manner instead of plunging into them haphazardly.
4. Clock Out
I've had a goal for years to take one day off a week--it simply never happens. I find it disconcerting to think of myself as a workaholic, because I don't want to be one. I want to be able to write during the day and relax with my family at night, but there's too much that needs doing with a full-time day job, part-time writing career, kids, pets, house, etc (even with my hubby pitching in very heavily). So this goal needed to adapt.
Now I aim for one day off per month, but as a compromise I have to quit working period at 9:30 each night. This has been really hard and I've only been at it for a few weeks. I'm to have nothing but fun after 9:30pm: no writing websites, Facebook, Twitter, etc. No "relaxing" with a craft book. Just TV, cuddling with the kids (or hubby!), reading, etc. It shouldn't be too hard, but it really is. My brain is always saying, "But shouldn't you be..."
Nope. I shouldn't be...
So there's my Not So Perfect Plan to tame the chaos. Having a plan doesn't mean I always succeed, but if I don't try, I'll never find what works, right? Do you have any tips or tricks that I can add to the pile?
Dani
So I'm forever on the search to make things work. My personality works best with some kind of schedule, but its really hard to schedule chaos. I recently tried getting up earlier, thinking more time was the key, but it was no go. I don't cope well with the rest of the day as well with less sleep. So what's a crazy woman with a crazy life to do?
I'm trying to do this:
1. Acceptance
This is just the way life is for now. I don't like it. In fact, it makes me very unhappy at times, but changes aren't coming anytime soon. I need to deal with my attitude and move on. I have a quote posted on my bathroom mirror that says, "I discovered I always have choices, and sometimes it's only a choice of attitude." (Judith M Knowlton) So very, very true.
2. Just Keep Swimming
I have this as my screen saver at my day job. Everything I plan may not get done, but as long as I keep moving forward, progress will be made. Sometimes the snail's pace is very frustrating, but I keep trying. That's important.
3. Touchstones
This is my newest form of "schedule," still in the testing stages. :) My life and activities change daily. I rely heavily on my To Do List and a day planner, but a true, rigid schedule will only get disrupted by last minute homework, illness, or an unexpected errand that puts me behind.
Since I can't find a way to create more time, I have to use what I have more effectively. When I get to work, one of the first things I do is get out my Day Planner. I glance over it for important events and the list of what needs doing today. I prioritize and mentally map out a plan. I'm now calling this my "Touchstone", because I'm touching base with myself and what's going on in my life.
I've started doing the same when I first get home in the afternoon. I greet everyone, put my stuff away, then sit down and see what's left on the agenda for that evening. This way I'm hopefully approaching tasks in a logical manner instead of plunging into them haphazardly.
4. Clock Out
I've had a goal for years to take one day off a week--it simply never happens. I find it disconcerting to think of myself as a workaholic, because I don't want to be one. I want to be able to write during the day and relax with my family at night, but there's too much that needs doing with a full-time day job, part-time writing career, kids, pets, house, etc (even with my hubby pitching in very heavily). So this goal needed to adapt.
Now I aim for one day off per month, but as a compromise I have to quit working period at 9:30 each night. This has been really hard and I've only been at it for a few weeks. I'm to have nothing but fun after 9:30pm: no writing websites, Facebook, Twitter, etc. No "relaxing" with a craft book. Just TV, cuddling with the kids (or hubby!), reading, etc. It shouldn't be too hard, but it really is. My brain is always saying, "But shouldn't you be..."
Nope. I shouldn't be...
So there's my Not So Perfect Plan to tame the chaos. Having a plan doesn't mean I always succeed, but if I don't try, I'll never find what works, right? Do you have any tips or tricks that I can add to the pile?
Dani
"How can you give your family the attention they need while working full time and writing so much?"
When posed this question by another author at National Conference, I was halted in my tracks. Guilt is a problem for me. With 1 rude question, this author unknowingly hit me right in the gut. Though I'd love to be Wonder Woman (and hubby would totally dig that outfit!), I know I'm no super hero(ine). I do worry about short-changing my children or my writing, but I can't give up either. I've worked too hard for both.
I can't quit my day job, as much as I'd like to, because my family needs me to work for a steady income. At least for the time being. That's simply life at this moment. And as much as I'd like to complain about it, I won't. My hubby has gone above and beyond to take care of the kids and family responsibilities so I have more time to write. I won't fuss about the demands on my time when he has just as many on his.
So this is a dilemma I have struggled with since I went back to work full-time, particularly when I'm on a deadline or have to say "no" when my kids want something because there aren't enough minutes in the day.
So when I heard Kristan Higgins speak at RWA Nationals, it truly struck a chord. Both lunch speeches were awesome (other was Cathy Maxwell), but 1 particular statement by Kristen pierced my heart. It wasn't the focus of the speech in actuality, probably something she ad-libbed. But it was something I desperately needed at this stage of my career and life.
She talked about a time when her husband worked long hours. She was helping him study for firefighters testing and they had a small baby. In order to help their family out, she strapped the baby to her chest while she cleaned a few houses. "Women do what they need to," she said. "If you are doing what your family needs, be proud of that."
What? I'm a mom. I'm not proud...I'm guilty of not being Super Woman!
But she's right. I should be proud--
-of finding a fulltime job that pays decent without having recent experience.
-of working every day and still chasing my dreams.
-for teaching my children that dreams are worth sacrifice and hard work.
-for focusing on my children in the time I have with them.
-Making an effort to include fun activities or things they want to do when I can.
-expressing my gratitude for and to those who help me, including my husband, kids, mother, mother-in-law, sister, sister-in-law, and many others.
That, I think, is something to be proud of! All of you hardworking moms and dads out there, what are you proud of today? Give yourself a shout out! You deserve it!!!!
Dani
I can't quit my day job, as much as I'd like to, because my family needs me to work for a steady income. At least for the time being. That's simply life at this moment. And as much as I'd like to complain about it, I won't. My hubby has gone above and beyond to take care of the kids and family responsibilities so I have more time to write. I won't fuss about the demands on my time when he has just as many on his.
So this is a dilemma I have struggled with since I went back to work full-time, particularly when I'm on a deadline or have to say "no" when my kids want something because there aren't enough minutes in the day.
So when I heard Kristan Higgins speak at RWA Nationals, it truly struck a chord. Both lunch speeches were awesome (other was Cathy Maxwell), but 1 particular statement by Kristen pierced my heart. It wasn't the focus of the speech in actuality, probably something she ad-libbed. But it was something I desperately needed at this stage of my career and life.
She talked about a time when her husband worked long hours. She was helping him study for firefighters testing and they had a small baby. In order to help their family out, she strapped the baby to her chest while she cleaned a few houses. "Women do what they need to," she said. "If you are doing what your family needs, be proud of that."
What? I'm a mom. I'm not proud...I'm guilty of not being Super Woman!
But she's right. I should be proud--
-of finding a fulltime job that pays decent without having recent experience.
-of working every day and still chasing my dreams.
-for teaching my children that dreams are worth sacrifice and hard work.
-for focusing on my children in the time I have with them.
-Making an effort to include fun activities or things they want to do when I can.
-expressing my gratitude for and to those who help me, including my husband, kids, mother, mother-in-law, sister, sister-in-law, and many others.
That, I think, is something to be proud of! All of you hardworking moms and dads out there, what are you proud of today? Give yourself a shout out! You deserve it!!!!
Dani
Today I'm sharing a bit about my chaotic writing process with readers at The Pink Heart Society blog. You'll see, I write here, there, and everywhere! Join us!
Aargh! I’m drowning in work stuff, kid stuff, writing stuff…and now my brain has said its HAD ENOUGH!
Sound familiar? Or am I the only over-achiever wannabe in the room? I want to be the best Mom, wife, daughter, employee, writer I can be. Until I run down with exhaustion. Not good.
So I’m adopting a concept I’ve used with my kids and have heard of others doing. I take a “Mental Health Day”. As a planner, mine have an agenda, of course. They must involve some combination of the following:
1. No work.
That means no day job (if I have PTO, sometimes even if I don’t), but sometimes I schedule it for those oh-too-few Monday holidays. It also means no writing, typing, research, blogging, etc. Yes, writing is fun, but its work for the brain – which needs rest and recuperation.
2. Have fun.
No dishes or laundry. Only activities that I enjoy and refill my depleted energy and enthusiasm. Mine include: reading, watching movies, and scrapbooking.
3. Take a nap.
My perfect day includes an uninterrupted nap. That’s just me. You might have a different heavenly activity, but I love to snuggle down into a fuzzy blanket mid-afternoon and drift away for a while.
I don't get to indulge in them nearly often enough, but I think days whose sole purpose is to renew and refresh your brain are very important. Those are my 3 must-haves for a perfect Mental Health Day. What are yours?
Sound familiar? Or am I the only over-achiever wannabe in the room? I want to be the best Mom, wife, daughter, employee, writer I can be. Until I run down with exhaustion. Not good.
So I’m adopting a concept I’ve used with my kids and have heard of others doing. I take a “Mental Health Day”. As a planner, mine have an agenda, of course. They must involve some combination of the following:
1. No work.
That means no day job (if I have PTO, sometimes even if I don’t), but sometimes I schedule it for those oh-too-few Monday holidays. It also means no writing, typing, research, blogging, etc. Yes, writing is fun, but its work for the brain – which needs rest and recuperation.
2. Have fun.
No dishes or laundry. Only activities that I enjoy and refill my depleted energy and enthusiasm. Mine include: reading, watching movies, and scrapbooking.
3. Take a nap.
My perfect day includes an uninterrupted nap. That’s just me. You might have a different heavenly activity, but I love to snuggle down into a fuzzy blanket mid-afternoon and drift away for a while.
I don't get to indulge in them nearly often enough, but I think days whose sole purpose is to renew and refresh your brain are very important. Those are my 3 must-haves for a perfect Mental Health Day. What are yours?
I've been through the whole gamut of parenting emotions as a writer. I've felt guilt over taking time away from my children, selfish for yearning for time to myself to "play" with my characters, and condemned by others for, in their estimation, putting my "hobby" above my family. But then again, I've also had the sincerity of being able to truthfully say to my children, "If you really want something, you'll work hard for it. Even when it seems impossible." I've had the joy of introducing my creative daughter to NaNo WriMo and discussing characters and plot with her. I've encouraged her to express her appreciation to authors whose books she's read, and shared the excitement of her first Readers' Luncheon. I've encourage my children to read outside of schoolwork and find it amazing that they don't whine when they get books for Christmas and birthday gifts. Most recently, my son has started creating his own comic books based on a video game he enjoys, with actual story lines. I can marvel over the story AND the artwork.
[caption id="attachment_343" align="aligncenter" width="150"]
"I sprinted over to my hidey-hole!"[/caption]
Being a writing mom, or any mom who has a passion and dream for something in addition to family, is a 2 sided coin. Sometimes it’s hard, and it hurts, but there are joys there to enrich and encourage your creative life. Ideally, that's how this would work. The encouragement from family would feed into that creativity, helping it flourish and expand. Sadly, that's not true in many writers’ lives, those who have family who either ignore or openly disdain their efforts. And even in the best family situation, trying times can drain a mother of the energy she needs for her work. But I’ve realized a few things that help me along:
1. The balance of family and writing will sometimes be unequal. I've faced the fact that I won't get nearly as much done during the summer, when we juggle babysitters and the kids are with me 99% of the time I'm not at the day job. And that's okay. I just have to find a way to work around it.
When I’m on deadline, I need more time and quiet to create faster. That means less time-intensive meals, more TV watching, and the house stays a little dirtier. But since it isn’t that often, we’ve still got some balance overall.
[caption id="attachment_344" align="aligncenter" width="150"]
"I made a workbench out of planks and used it."[/caption]
2. I need space, and that’s the way it is. This need doesn't take away from my family, but enhances it. When I am happy and creative, I'm a happy mother and wife. Doing what I need to take care of myself and refill my internal well is not selfish. An occasional hour alone, savoring the silence. The chance to read, losing myself in another author's story. Setting boundaries around writing time and expecting my children to respect them. All these things teach them respect, that dreams require hard work, and that mommies are people too.
3. That said, there are times when family will have to come first. Kids get sick, crisis happen, and life doesn't stop just because I've got a deadline. This was never more true than when I was pregnant. Mentally, I simply couldn't write, and I had to let go of the guilt from that. My family and my body was changing and that had to take priority. Sometimes it requires me to drink a 5 hour energy shot so I can write after the kids go to bed, but you gotta do what you gotta do.
4. I have a planner/plotter nature, but I also try to remember that the best laid plans won’t work every time. I try to look honestly at what I'm capable of, what my day job demands, what kind of events are going on in kiddie land, and whether or not my husband is going to be available to help. Then I write it all down (it’s the only way I can remember anything). That's the fun part for me, but then I have to walk it every day and sometimes change it as needed. Not so fun for me, but I try. :)
The balance between me, my needs, and how I operate isn’t always ideal for my life, but I try to realize that and work around it. What needs and personality traits do you have that help you in your daily life? Which are a hindrance?
"I sprinted over to my hidey-hole!"[/caption]
Being a writing mom, or any mom who has a passion and dream for something in addition to family, is a 2 sided coin. Sometimes it’s hard, and it hurts, but there are joys there to enrich and encourage your creative life. Ideally, that's how this would work. The encouragement from family would feed into that creativity, helping it flourish and expand. Sadly, that's not true in many writers’ lives, those who have family who either ignore or openly disdain their efforts. And even in the best family situation, trying times can drain a mother of the energy she needs for her work. But I’ve realized a few things that help me along:
1. The balance of family and writing will sometimes be unequal. I've faced the fact that I won't get nearly as much done during the summer, when we juggle babysitters and the kids are with me 99% of the time I'm not at the day job. And that's okay. I just have to find a way to work around it.
When I’m on deadline, I need more time and quiet to create faster. That means less time-intensive meals, more TV watching, and the house stays a little dirtier. But since it isn’t that often, we’ve still got some balance overall.
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"I made a workbench out of planks and used it."[/caption]
2. I need space, and that’s the way it is. This need doesn't take away from my family, but enhances it. When I am happy and creative, I'm a happy mother and wife. Doing what I need to take care of myself and refill my internal well is not selfish. An occasional hour alone, savoring the silence. The chance to read, losing myself in another author's story. Setting boundaries around writing time and expecting my children to respect them. All these things teach them respect, that dreams require hard work, and that mommies are people too.
3. That said, there are times when family will have to come first. Kids get sick, crisis happen, and life doesn't stop just because I've got a deadline. This was never more true than when I was pregnant. Mentally, I simply couldn't write, and I had to let go of the guilt from that. My family and my body was changing and that had to take priority. Sometimes it requires me to drink a 5 hour energy shot so I can write after the kids go to bed, but you gotta do what you gotta do.
4. I have a planner/plotter nature, but I also try to remember that the best laid plans won’t work every time. I try to look honestly at what I'm capable of, what my day job demands, what kind of events are going on in kiddie land, and whether or not my husband is going to be available to help. Then I write it all down (it’s the only way I can remember anything). That's the fun part for me, but then I have to walk it every day and sometimes change it as needed. Not so fun for me, but I try. :)
The balance between me, my needs, and how I operate isn’t always ideal for my life, but I try to realize that and work around it. What needs and personality traits do you have that help you in your daily life? Which are a hindrance?