Aargh! I’m drowning in work stuff, kid stuff, writing stuff…and now my brain has said its HAD ENOUGH!
Sound familiar? Or am I the only over-achiever wannabe in the room? I want to be the best Mom, wife, daughter, employee, writer I can be. Until I run down with exhaustion. Not good.
So I’m adopting a concept I’ve used with my kids and have heard of others doing. I take a “Mental Health Day”. As a planner, mine have an agenda, of course. They must involve some combination of the following:
1. No work.
That means no day job (if I have PTO, sometimes even if I don’t), but sometimes I schedule it for those oh-too-few Monday holidays. It also means no writing, typing, research, blogging, etc. Yes, writing is fun, but its work for the brain – which needs rest and recuperation.
2. Have fun.
No dishes or laundry. Only activities that I enjoy and refill my depleted energy and enthusiasm. Mine include: reading, watching movies, and scrapbooking.
3. Take a nap.
My perfect day includes an uninterrupted nap. That’s just me. You might have a different heavenly activity, but I love to snuggle down into a fuzzy blanket mid-afternoon and drift away for a while.
I don't get to indulge in them nearly often enough, but I think days whose sole purpose is to renew and refresh your brain are very important. Those are my 3 must-haves for a perfect Mental Health Day. What are yours?
Sound familiar? Or am I the only over-achiever wannabe in the room? I want to be the best Mom, wife, daughter, employee, writer I can be. Until I run down with exhaustion. Not good.
So I’m adopting a concept I’ve used with my kids and have heard of others doing. I take a “Mental Health Day”. As a planner, mine have an agenda, of course. They must involve some combination of the following:
1. No work.
That means no day job (if I have PTO, sometimes even if I don’t), but sometimes I schedule it for those oh-too-few Monday holidays. It also means no writing, typing, research, blogging, etc. Yes, writing is fun, but its work for the brain – which needs rest and recuperation.
2. Have fun.
No dishes or laundry. Only activities that I enjoy and refill my depleted energy and enthusiasm. Mine include: reading, watching movies, and scrapbooking.
3. Take a nap.
My perfect day includes an uninterrupted nap. That’s just me. You might have a different heavenly activity, but I love to snuggle down into a fuzzy blanket mid-afternoon and drift away for a while.
I don't get to indulge in them nearly often enough, but I think days whose sole purpose is to renew and refresh your brain are very important. Those are my 3 must-haves for a perfect Mental Health Day. What are yours?
Nationals or Bust Health Challenge: Week 1
Something very special happened last week. My sister, author Ella Sheridan, was chosen as a finalist in the Romance Writers of America Golden Heart awards. This means she will be attending an Awards Night and many events at the RWA National conference this summer in July. I was nervous enough about going to this conference, because it will be my first time there as a published author. As a "curvy girl", I've really wanted to get into better shape for it, but kept putting off the start date (we all know how that goes, right?).
Now we both have a reason to hunker down and get moving, but we hate to do it alone. We're hoping you will join us! Whether you are attending RWA Nationals or not, this will be a great time to band together and focus on our health through information, encouragement, and accountability. Participate as much or as little as you like, but the more you make your voice heard, the more encouragement we can offer and the more you'll get out of this process!
So let's begin:
Have A Plan!
We do it all the time with our writing. I'll write 2 scenes a day until... I'll finish plotting and start writing by... We make goals and plans so we can see our target and reach it! There's nothing more satisfying than marking a task off a list (okay, maybe that's just me) or standing at the top of a mountain looking over everything you've worked so hard to achieve. Eyes on the prize, baby! After all, you can't sell a book you haven't written. Just like the general "I'm gonna write a book someday" doesn't get anyone anywhere, so the "I'll just cut back on my eating and exercise" rarely nets any discernible results. So, yes, even you pantsters out there need a plan! We all want to lose weight to look and feel our best at National Conference in July. That's 15 weeks from today!![](http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/t/wsSeTVQ/counter.png"></a>){kind=link}
You don't have to post your plan here, but having one will help you see what you've accomplished and what you need to work on. What you've gotten control over and what still needs more focus. I suggest 1 or 2 options:
1. Decide on a food and exercise plan, instituting it all at once. That's right, from Day 1. It might be a little overwhelming the first week or two (especially after all that Easter candy), but you'll soon settle into a groove.
2. If you need more variety, try creating a very basic plan, then adding on to it each week by introducing a new "focus". For instance, one week you can focus on adding more strength training to your exercise routine, or eating more veggies, or drinking a certain amount of water, or trying a new sport. This can keep things interesting.
Seriously, I'm nobody's motivational guru -- I've failed at more diets than most people have started. So when I post, I'm preaching to the choir here. But I've always worked better in a group and with accountability. I'd love to run into each and every one of you at Nationals and pat you on the back for all you've accomplished between now and then.
SO LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!!! Introduce yourself in the comments and post your plan/goals if you want to. Each Wednesday we'll have a check-in for those who want to talk about their progress, problems, or pitfalls. Offer encouragement, advice, or high-fives -- we need them all.
I look forward to getting to know everyone. Invite your friends, and let's look back on these 15 weeks with pride, having found a few new friends along the way.
Dani Wade
Wow! March flew by me as briskly as the winds here in the South. Now its a blur of writing, revising, and more revising. I'm a little behind because of a special project I picked up (which I hope I can share more about next month), so I've had to postpone Finding Her Rhythm's release until April 30, 2013. I want the story to be perfect, so I'm not gonna rush it. I truly love working on Michael and Taylor's story, and hope you enjoy reading it!
I'm still waiting to hear from awesome editor on my submissions, but will hopefully have news there soon too! In the meantime, its more revisions for Michael and Taylor, then off to line edits and formatting. I'm always busy, even when playing the waiting game that happens so frequently in publishing.
I've got some fun field trips lined up, and hope you'll join me as I venture once more into the cyber-world. There's also something extra special coming to the blog this month! The start of my Nationals or Bust Health Challenge. My very talented sister (and copy editor) is a finalist in RWA's Golden Heart contest, and I'll be meeting my editor (hopefully) and lots of authors from my line, so we're both anxious to slim down a bit for Atlanta in July. I invite y'all to join us, whether you're attending RWA or not, as we encourage, inform, and hold each other accountable in our quest for better health and a teeny increase in self-confidence!!!
It looks like a busy summer ahead. Stick with me -- it's going to be fun!!!!
Today, I wish...
I could write faster and cleaner, so I could get my stories out of my head and to my readers sooner!
I had no need for sleep, so I could have more time to spend with my family, despite writing and a full-time job.
I could lose 20 lbs eating cake and Krispy Kreme donuts. (Until then, I wish they made a special suit that transformed my body into a svelte goddess, but didn't cut off my circulation.)
Every house came equipped with a maid and a cook.
Karma would make an appointment for coming back to bite people who do harm just because they can -- so that I could be there to see it happen.
At the same time, I wish those who help others without thought to themselves could be rewarded 5X what they deserve! And I could hand deliver the reward!
Children could remember the important stuff they need me to do more than 5 minutes in advance.
That I could remember the important stuff more than 5 minutes in advance, without having to write it down!
Today, what do you wish for?
Dani
I love hearing from my readers! For every comment in the month of March, you are entered into a drawing for a $5 Amazon gift card. Simply comment with your email address. I'll draw for the winner on March 31st!
I voluntarily confess to being a music fanatic. Next to a good book, an iTunes card is my favorite gift. Now, I didn’t say I was an aficionado – I pretty much have specific things I’ll listen to: Top 40s, some harder rock, a bare minimum of country, and some instrumental movie soundtracks that I like to write to. That’s about it, but its more than enough. Go one day without music and I’m most definitely going crazy.
Music motivates my writing, enriching scenes, evoking emotion. Each of my main characters has a theme song that I listen to when I need to get into their state of mind quickly. This would annoy anyone within listening distance, because I play the same song over and over on repeat. Lucky for those around me, I use headphones.
But I’ve learned that music can motivate me in many areas – lifting me from a bad mood, saving me from boredom, ramping up my speed on the elliptical, and yes, even making housework fun. As long as I can remember, my mother has cranked up some fun, upbeat music while she dances her way through the housework. I didn’t adopt this practice when I moved out on my own, but a couple of Christmases ago the hubby gave me a pair of speakers shaped like red high heels. I could plug in my iPod and listen while I cooked dinner. Then during dishes. Now, I too love to crank it up while cleaning in just about anything. It makes the time pass quicker and gives me something to think about other than the fact that I have to scrub toilets.
What about you? What role does music play in your life? What is your favorite song? I’ll leave you with a video of my current hero’s “theme song”:
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3HHZ43jq1U&w=560&h=315]
Dani
I love hearing from my readers! For every comment in the month of March, you are entered into a drawing for a $5 Amazon gift card. Simply comment with your email address. I'll draw for the winner on March 31st!
But I’ve learned that music can motivate me in many areas – lifting me from a bad mood, saving me from boredom, ramping up my speed on the elliptical, and yes, even making housework fun. As long as I can remember, my mother has cranked up some fun, upbeat music while she dances her way through the housework. I didn’t adopt this practice when I moved out on my own, but a couple of Christmases ago the hubby gave me a pair of speakers shaped like red high heels. I could plug in my iPod and listen while I cooked dinner. Then during dishes. Now, I too love to crank it up while cleaning in just about anything. It makes the time pass quicker and gives me something to think about other than the fact that I have to scrub toilets.
What about you? What role does music play in your life? What is your favorite song? I’ll leave you with a video of my current hero’s “theme song”:
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3HHZ43jq1U&w=560&h=315]
Dani
I love hearing from my readers! For every comment in the month of March, you are entered into a drawing for a $5 Amazon gift card. Simply comment with your email address. I'll draw for the winner on March 31st!
It’s eventually the lament of all mothers – my baby is growing up.
Mothers feel it at every stage – first tooth, first steps, first day of school, braces and so on. So many milestones in our children’s lives that prompt us to immerse ourselves in memories even while we celebrate every new stage.
This week, I’ll once more reminisce about my baby girl, and step with fear and trembling (and pride too) into the unknown territory of the teenage years. In the last year, she’s grown taller than me, started experimenting with make-up, and learned to tame her mass of curly hair. She’s managing middle school and even walked dogs for money over the summer. I can’t believe how grown she acts sometimes, but we still glimpse enough of the kid in her to smile at occasionally.
I, myself, am not ready for what I’m sure is coming, and I think that’s the source of my fear. Will I know how to assist and guide her through school troubles, boy troubles, and myriad new situations? Will she still talk to me? Will she listen, even a little bit?
Either way, I’ll wake her with a Happy Birthday and watch as she fixes her hair and puts on make-up, going off to school looking like the cool teenager she is now. Because time keeps moving forward, even when I long for the simpler days of her childhood.
If y’all have any advice for me, I’d love to hear it! Or tell me a favorite memory of time with your parents during your teenage years.
I, myself, am not ready for what I’m sure is coming, and I think that’s the source of my fear. Will I know how to assist and guide her through school troubles, boy troubles, and myriad new situations? Will she still talk to me? Will she listen, even a little bit?
Either way, I’ll wake her with a Happy Birthday and watch as she fixes her hair and puts on make-up, going off to school looking like the cool teenager she is now. Because time keeps moving forward, even when I long for the simpler days of her childhood.
If y’all have any advice for me, I’d love to hear it! Or tell me a favorite memory of time with your parents during your teenage years.
News, news, glorious news. I try to share on the home page each month, but sometimes the news just can’t be contained!
For those who missed it, my debut Harlequin Desire release has an official title! HIS BY DESIGN will be available in bookstores and online in August of 2013. My sensational editor assures me the cover will be fabulous. I can’t wait to see it (and I promise to share as soon as I'm allowed)!
Blurb:
Repressed, conventional Ziara Devan strives for respectability through her job at a wedding gown design firm in Atlanta,GA, hoping to erase the shame of her childhood secrets. Then she finds herself cast in the role of spy, forced to keep an eye on the business-savvy, sexy heir apparent, Sloan Creighton. When exposure of her past life threatens everything she’s achieved, can Ziara trust Sloan to stand by her “til death do us part”?
Speaking of covers, I have a brand new one to show you! That’s right, I’ve just finished the draft on a new Indie release, FINDING HER RHYTHM, and plan to have it ready for release in late March. My awesome cover artist, Elizabeth Wallace, has outdone herself with this one. I love it!
Blurb:
Struggling after the death of her parents, Taylor let her hormones lead her into the biggest mistake of her life. Now she has a dangerous ex who wants to own her and a desperate need for safety. What could be safer than her new job as a nanny to a legendary rock star? Except now she's locked herself in with a man who is potentially more dangerous...to her heart.
Michael Korvello has a dominant nature and a lonely heart that he keeps firmly under wraps. His kids have suffered enough for the mistakes of his past. But his new nanny has those dark desires howling at the gate. The only thing keeping him in check is the fear lurking in those brilliant eyes. Can he earn her trust, and the right to transform all her desires into reality?
Just when neither can deny their need for each other, Taylor's ex shows up like an unlucky charm, intent on taking back what he considers his...even if he has to destroy Michael's world to get it. Can two kindred souls protect the passionate love they ache for from an outsider bent on ripping them apart?
Last, but not least, I'll be attending my very first Readers' Luncheon as an author! Join me for the Heart of Dixie Romance Readers' Luncheon on June 8, 2013, in Huntsville, AL. You can find out more details about this fabulous annual event at www.heartofdixie.org .
Blurb:
Struggling after the death of her parents, Taylor let her hormones lead her into the biggest mistake of her life. Now she has a dangerous ex who wants to own her and a desperate need for safety. What could be safer than her new job as a nanny to a legendary rock star? Except now she's locked herself in with a man who is potentially more dangerous...to her heart.
Michael Korvello has a dominant nature and a lonely heart that he keeps firmly under wraps. His kids have suffered enough for the mistakes of his past. But his new nanny has those dark desires howling at the gate. The only thing keeping him in check is the fear lurking in those brilliant eyes. Can he earn her trust, and the right to transform all her desires into reality?
Just when neither can deny their need for each other, Taylor's ex shows up like an unlucky charm, intent on taking back what he considers his...even if he has to destroy Michael's world to get it. Can two kindred souls protect the passionate love they ache for from an outsider bent on ripping them apart?
Last, but not least, I'll be attending my very first Readers' Luncheon as an author! Join me for the Heart of Dixie Romance Readers' Luncheon on June 8, 2013, in Huntsville, AL. You can find out more details about this fabulous annual event at www.heartofdixie.org .
I've been through the whole gamut of parenting emotions as a writer. I've felt guilt over taking time away from my children, selfish for yearning for time to myself to "play" with my characters, and condemned by others for, in their estimation, putting my "hobby" above my family. But then again, I've also had the sincerity of being able to truthfully say to my children, "If you really want something, you'll work hard for it. Even when it seems impossible." I've had the joy of introducing my creative daughter to NaNo WriMo and discussing characters and plot with her. I've encouraged her to express her appreciation to authors whose books she's read, and shared the excitement of her first Readers' Luncheon. I've encourage my children to read outside of schoolwork and find it amazing that they don't whine when they get books for Christmas and birthday gifts. Most recently, my son has started creating his own comic books based on a video game he enjoys, with actual story lines. I can marvel over the story AND the artwork.
[caption id="attachment_343" align="aligncenter" width="150"]
"I sprinted over to my hidey-hole!"[/caption]
Being a writing mom, or any mom who has a passion and dream for something in addition to family, is a 2 sided coin. Sometimes it’s hard, and it hurts, but there are joys there to enrich and encourage your creative life. Ideally, that's how this would work. The encouragement from family would feed into that creativity, helping it flourish and expand. Sadly, that's not true in many writers’ lives, those who have family who either ignore or openly disdain their efforts. And even in the best family situation, trying times can drain a mother of the energy she needs for her work. But I’ve realized a few things that help me along:
1. The balance of family and writing will sometimes be unequal. I've faced the fact that I won't get nearly as much done during the summer, when we juggle babysitters and the kids are with me 99% of the time I'm not at the day job. And that's okay. I just have to find a way to work around it.
When I’m on deadline, I need more time and quiet to create faster. That means less time-intensive meals, more TV watching, and the house stays a little dirtier. But since it isn’t that often, we’ve still got some balance overall.
[caption id="attachment_344" align="aligncenter" width="150"]
"I made a workbench out of planks and used it."[/caption]
2. I need space, and that’s the way it is. This need doesn't take away from my family, but enhances it. When I am happy and creative, I'm a happy mother and wife. Doing what I need to take care of myself and refill my internal well is not selfish. An occasional hour alone, savoring the silence. The chance to read, losing myself in another author's story. Setting boundaries around writing time and expecting my children to respect them. All these things teach them respect, that dreams require hard work, and that mommies are people too.
3. That said, there are times when family will have to come first. Kids get sick, crisis happen, and life doesn't stop just because I've got a deadline. This was never more true than when I was pregnant. Mentally, I simply couldn't write, and I had to let go of the guilt from that. My family and my body was changing and that had to take priority. Sometimes it requires me to drink a 5 hour energy shot so I can write after the kids go to bed, but you gotta do what you gotta do.
4. I have a planner/plotter nature, but I also try to remember that the best laid plans won’t work every time. I try to look honestly at what I'm capable of, what my day job demands, what kind of events are going on in kiddie land, and whether or not my husband is going to be available to help. Then I write it all down (it’s the only way I can remember anything). That's the fun part for me, but then I have to walk it every day and sometimes change it as needed. Not so fun for me, but I try. :)
The balance between me, my needs, and how I operate isn’t always ideal for my life, but I try to realize that and work around it. What needs and personality traits do you have that help you in your daily life? Which are a hindrance?
"I sprinted over to my hidey-hole!"[/caption]
Being a writing mom, or any mom who has a passion and dream for something in addition to family, is a 2 sided coin. Sometimes it’s hard, and it hurts, but there are joys there to enrich and encourage your creative life. Ideally, that's how this would work. The encouragement from family would feed into that creativity, helping it flourish and expand. Sadly, that's not true in many writers’ lives, those who have family who either ignore or openly disdain their efforts. And even in the best family situation, trying times can drain a mother of the energy she needs for her work. But I’ve realized a few things that help me along:
1. The balance of family and writing will sometimes be unequal. I've faced the fact that I won't get nearly as much done during the summer, when we juggle babysitters and the kids are with me 99% of the time I'm not at the day job. And that's okay. I just have to find a way to work around it.
When I’m on deadline, I need more time and quiet to create faster. That means less time-intensive meals, more TV watching, and the house stays a little dirtier. But since it isn’t that often, we’ve still got some balance overall.
[caption id="attachment_344" align="aligncenter" width="150"]
"I made a workbench out of planks and used it."[/caption]
2. I need space, and that’s the way it is. This need doesn't take away from my family, but enhances it. When I am happy and creative, I'm a happy mother and wife. Doing what I need to take care of myself and refill my internal well is not selfish. An occasional hour alone, savoring the silence. The chance to read, losing myself in another author's story. Setting boundaries around writing time and expecting my children to respect them. All these things teach them respect, that dreams require hard work, and that mommies are people too.
3. That said, there are times when family will have to come first. Kids get sick, crisis happen, and life doesn't stop just because I've got a deadline. This was never more true than when I was pregnant. Mentally, I simply couldn't write, and I had to let go of the guilt from that. My family and my body was changing and that had to take priority. Sometimes it requires me to drink a 5 hour energy shot so I can write after the kids go to bed, but you gotta do what you gotta do.
4. I have a planner/plotter nature, but I also try to remember that the best laid plans won’t work every time. I try to look honestly at what I'm capable of, what my day job demands, what kind of events are going on in kiddie land, and whether or not my husband is going to be available to help. Then I write it all down (it’s the only way I can remember anything). That's the fun part for me, but then I have to walk it every day and sometimes change it as needed. Not so fun for me, but I try. :)
The balance between me, my needs, and how I operate isn’t always ideal for my life, but I try to realize that and work around it. What needs and personality traits do you have that help you in your daily life? Which are a hindrance?
One Child At A Time...
I’ve never held to the philosophy that kids should be kids and never have chores or responsibilities. To me, 4 people live in our house and mess it up. So 4 people should clean it (in some proportion or another)
Part of this attitude might stem from my upbringing. By the time I turned 18 and my little brother was born, my mom was able to go to the hospital and have confidence my sis and I could take care of ourselves, the house, and our farm full of animals without burning anything down (we had a wood stove for a heater).
So mine have had “chores” since they were little. We didn’t always call them that. But now they have things they do as part of the family (1 per day), and special things they do to earn allowance. Or money for something in particular: my son empties the bathroom trashes once a week to earn the weekly dues for his Cub Scout meetings.
1-3 years: Picking up their toys. I would gather everything on the floor into 1 big pile and get them to put the pile away. It seemed to be easier because they didn’t have the “find” instinct yet. I also got them to put their plates/cups in the sink. Make this into a clean-up game and it becomes much easier.
3-5 years: Again, picking up toys. At this point, I graduated to cleaning their rooms (with some help from me). Putting away school stuff when they get home (same place every day). Throwing away trash. Feeding animals. Putting their dinner dishes in dishwasher (I’ve heard. I still haven’t been able to accomplish this with mine).
5-7 years: Here’s where the real work begins. They start to have tons of things they’d rather do than help, so we introduced the concept of “chores”. On top of things they have already been doing, they started helping with laundry. First matching socks together. Putting away socks and underwear. Then graduating to folding pants and towels. Only when my son was 8 did we start shirts, and I still have to watch him with those. About 7 years old, we started unloading the dishwasher. Silverware, then cups, plates, bowls.
8-12 years: This is the big years, where they can learn bunches of stuff! My daughter started doing her own laundry, start to finish, when she was 11. She also cleans her bathroom sink and mirrors. We’re currently learning to vacuum. My son cleans the toilet in their bathroom, our glass doors, and dusting with a swiffer.
I imagine after this we’ll be able to move onto washing dishes (thank goodness!) and my daughter has shown an interest in cooking. Yay! We still argue about chores occasionally, but for the most part, everyone pitches in and a lot gets done. Leaving plenty of time for play!
How do you handle chores at your house?
So mine have had “chores” since they were little. We didn’t always call them that. But now they have things they do as part of the family (1 per day), and special things they do to earn allowance. Or money for something in particular: my son empties the bathroom trashes once a week to earn the weekly dues for his Cub Scout meetings.
1-3 years: Picking up their toys. I would gather everything on the floor into 1 big pile and get them to put the pile away. It seemed to be easier because they didn’t have the “find” instinct yet. I also got them to put their plates/cups in the sink. Make this into a clean-up game and it becomes much easier.
3-5 years: Again, picking up toys. At this point, I graduated to cleaning their rooms (with some help from me). Putting away school stuff when they get home (same place every day). Throwing away trash. Feeding animals. Putting their dinner dishes in dishwasher (I’ve heard. I still haven’t been able to accomplish this with mine).
5-7 years: Here’s where the real work begins. They start to have tons of things they’d rather do than help, so we introduced the concept of “chores”. On top of things they have already been doing, they started helping with laundry. First matching socks together. Putting away socks and underwear. Then graduating to folding pants and towels. Only when my son was 8 did we start shirts, and I still have to watch him with those. About 7 years old, we started unloading the dishwasher. Silverware, then cups, plates, bowls.
8-12 years: This is the big years, where they can learn bunches of stuff! My daughter started doing her own laundry, start to finish, when she was 11. She also cleans her bathroom sink and mirrors. We’re currently learning to vacuum. My son cleans the toilet in their bathroom, our glass doors, and dusting with a swiffer.
I imagine after this we’ll be able to move onto washing dishes (thank goodness!) and my daughter has shown an interest in cooking. Yay! We still argue about chores occasionally, but for the most part, everyone pitches in and a lot gets done. Leaving plenty of time for play!
How do you handle chores at your house?